On being there.

For a child, there is no greater gift than the parent simply being there.

On Saturday morning, I put aside my own commitments, to be there for my youngest son, Tiarnan, five. He had an end of year school concert, at which he would be dancing twice. Now, to be there for him, I had to ask to be relieved from an unavoidable commitment of my own. It wasn’t easy – and there were consequences – but I felt that I had no alternative. My wife, Syahidah, was otherwise committed for an event involving Ainan and Fintan – so that left only me, to attend to Tiarnan. So, I went with him, despite all the pressures to do otherwise.

Though I arrived well in time, it wasn’t in time enough. The entire auditorium was already full, leaving only a temporary chair at the back, behind every other row of seating. I sat on it and waited for it to begin.

I have written of this kind of event before. It involves young children from two to six, dressed up in fine clothes, dancing to music, as an ensemble. I have seen this before. No longer am I surprised to see little kids dressed like adults on a night out for a ballroom dance. No longer am I culture shocked at a such a strange sight – though I was the first time I saw it. This time, I noted some new things. For instance, the very young kids, of two or three, barely respond to the music at all, with only one or two attempting to “dance”. As the kids get older, they become noticeably more coordinated and able to engage with the music. At Tiarnan’s age, it was noticeable that most were not particularly good with choreography. Tiarnan stood out in this respect. When he danced, he did so with rhythm, vigour and a distinct grasp of the choreography. He was clearly the most co-ordinated on stage. I felt acutely touched as I watched him dance. He had been placed at the back of the dancers, though why this should be so, I wasn’t sure, since he was by far the best dancer, there. Perhaps that is precisely why: his teacher didn’t want him to show the others up.

I was unsure whether he saw me, at the back, but I waved nevertheless. He didn’t respond. I really hoped he would see me out here, and know I was watching.

For the second dance, at the end, he was, again, the most distinguished dancer on stage – and that included all the six year olds, who had joined them, for the grand finale. What was most pronounced is that his moves were to an inner clock – there was a rhythm and fluidity about them, moving from one movement to the next, that all the other youngsters lacked. To me, this shows that something in him, related to motor skills, is more developed than is typical of his age, or indeed, of those who are one year older than him, since he outshone them all. Given his mother’s proclivity for dance, I am not surprised by this, however. She has always been an uncanny dancer.

For me, the best moment of the whole event was at the end, when Tiarnan looked out over the audience, his head uptilted to stare at the back of the hall. Then he waved, in my direction. He had seen me. On his face, there was a contented smile. His daddy had been there for him. I waved back and he echoed my wave again.

I remember my own childhood and how important it was for me, that my parents should be there, to witness particular achievements. In a way, such times were a means to show them what I could do. They were a communication from son, to parent – a way of letting them see a bit more about me. Thus, that they should be there, could not have been more important. I learnt that from my own childhood. So, I always try to be there for my children, whenever they are doing something of note. I know that, although they might not say it, my presence is very important to them. They would be sad, if I could not make it.

Personally, I lost out by being at my son’s concert. Something which was meant for me, to do, went ahead without me, done by another, because they would not and could not wait for me to join them in the afternoon – which I did. Yet, I weigh my personal loss against my son’s gain and know that I could not have chosen otherwise. A child would not understand the parent’s need to be elsewhere to do something. My son would have felt ignored, had I not been there.

I asked Tiarnan: “Did you see me in the audience?”

He nodded, silently.

“Did you like that Daddy was there?”

He nodded, silently, again, though this time with the hint of a smile.

That was good enough for me. I made the right choice.

Posted by Valentine Cawley

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.html and here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175

To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here:http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks.

You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

How to console a little boy.

On May 2nd 2008, Tiarnan, twenty-seven months, came into the room where I was working at something.

"Where's mummy?" he asked, looking around for her, clearly a little tense.

"Mummy is out." I looked down at him, trying to say, with my eyes, that Daddy was here, so that should be OK.

He wasn't satisfied. "Where's mummy?" He asked, rather more insistently, looking intently at me.

I explained to him where mummy was.

He seemed to have another idea. He looked past me at the wall and pointed at a photograph he saw there: "There's mummy!" He hurried over to the photograph, all tension seeping from him. He stood there, looking up at the photograph, quite content. I was touched. It was enough for him to see a picture of his mummy, to be consoled.

He played quite happily thereafter, until her return, knowing that all he had to do if he missed his mummy was to look up at the wall to see her. Sweet.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged eight years and five months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and ten months, and Tiarnan, twenty-seven months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, wunderkind, wonderkind, genio, гений ребенок prodigy, genie, μεγαλοφυία θαύμα παιδιών, bambino, kind, niño, gênio criança, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

Fintan's school report

The other day, we made our way to Fintan's school to hear how he was doing.

The teachers were pleased with him. They told us that: "He really concentrates on everything that he is doing...he is very focussed."

That, in itself, was good news, for many young children are not able to focus on anything for long. Fintan, four, however, was.

"He really loves reading...and he even teaches the other children how to read!" There was marvel on her tongue at, I surmised, the sweetness of this. I could imagine Fintan teaching his fellow kids, just as he had taught his grandmother.

This was nice to hear - for it shows that he is supportive of others and wants to reach out to help them.

However, it was the last observation that really struck me: "He is very loving and kind."

That for me, was the best news - better than any academic promise was the fact that he was a loving and kind boy. It turns out that he shows great love, kindness and concern to all his fellows - and nurtures them as best he might. What a sweetie.

(If you would like to read more of Fintan, four years and one month, or his gifted brothers, Ainan Celeste Cawley, seven years and eight months, a scientific child prodigy, or Tiarnan, eighteen months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, the creatively gifted, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

Where love is banned.

Travel affords one many unexpected opportunities. In particular, living in a part of the world different from one's formative years, can teach us much more than one might suppose.

Singapore, where I live, has a fairly broad contact with mainland China. There are many mainland Chinese here - living, working and studying. Recently I had a peculiar conversation with a group of Chinese mainland students. The subject of social expectation had come up. On this matter, one girl remarked:

"In China, no-one is allowed to fall in love, in school."

I was shocked at this and so was initially silent. Into this silence, she continued: "Not in middle school or high school - but in University, it is OK."

This young woman, of University age, evidently found my surprise, surprising.

"That is really strange." I couldn't help but remark.

"It is normal.", she shrugged, accepting it.

"So, what happens if a student falls in love in high school?"

"Then they are a bad student." Her words were said with meaning: clearly she had imbibed the viewpoint of her society and made it her own. To her, indeed, such a student would be a wrongdoer and a "bad" student.

"Their teacher will be very angry..." she continued, "and will call their parents. Then their parents will be very angry, too."

I was beginning to feel a little horrified at this point, at the nature of the society she was painting. A society in which young love is greeted with anger; in which the natural feelings of bonding that arise between people in their mid to late teens, should be looked upon as "wrong" and "bad", made me really uncomfortable - queasy even.

I tried to imagine what it would be like to grow up in a society so set against love. Every thought and understanding that came to me was accompanied by the conviction that such a world would be very damaging to human development.

I had never met a truly passionate character from mainland China. By this I mean fired with emotion, driven by it, propelled by it. Such people are very capable of great things. Perhaps, the suppression of emotion which all their young have to undergo is responsible for that lack of fire, as adults. Something suppressed for too long, may very well shrivel up from disuse.

This conversation raises a very important issue. Which is more important: academic success or healthy emotional development? Chinese society has, as I am informed, made the decision that academic success stands above all things - and not even love may stand in the way. In choosing this stance, they have, probably without realizing it, chosen to stunt the emotional development of an entire nation. Yes, they may not be distracted from their studies - for as she further explained: "When you are in love, you cannot study well." - but they will also not experience the natural development of their emotional self. That side will be blocked - for many years. By the time they are allowed to express that side, it will have become muted, through both time and disuse. A dispassionate people will be the result.

Raising a child is not easy - and there are many choices that a parent - or an educator - must make - but from my point of view, no choice should be taken that leads to the diminishment of an individual. Nothing should be done to impair their growth in any way.

Yes, love may distract the students from study - but it would also make them happy in the face of great difficulty and perhaps more able to shoulder the burdens of academic demand which are placed upon them. Disallowing it and making it a forbidden emotion, on the other hand, can only ever have a negative and inhibitory effect on the development of their children. China will be much the worse for it, when these emotionally disabled teens become their future leaders of society.

(If you would like to read of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged seven years and seven months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and no months, or Tiarnan, seventeen months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, the creatively gifted, gifted children and gifted adults in general. Thanks.)

Tiarnan tells mummy how he feels

Yesterday, Syahidah was playing with Fintan and Tiarnan. She looked at Fintan and said: "I love you", to him.

Tiarnan observed this, tilted his head up at his mother and said to her: "I love you".

This recalls the time Tiarnan said as much to me, many months ago...but it was nice to hear it on his lips, for his mother.

There is a warmth in Tiarnan, fourteen months, that is heartening to see: he is a passionate, emotional baby who responds with his heart to the world. In many ways, that is more delightful to see than any measure of intelligence is: for is not goodness of the heart what brings blessings to every life?

(If you would like to read more of Tiarnan, fourteen months, or his gifted brothers, Ainan Celeste Cawley, seven years and four months, and Fintan, three, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, the creatively gifted, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)