Kiasu and age appropriate toys

In the run up to Christmas, I was in the toy section of a department store, with Tiarnan, who was then one year old.

Nearby there was a very intent Chinese man in his late 30s, I would say. I noticed him because his son was playing among the toys near my own son. This little boy of his, was shorter than Tiarnan, so I would think he must have been less than two years old - probably 18 months, or something.

What was strange about this was that he kept snatching toys off his son and putting them back on the shelf. The toys he took from him were ones with lights and bells and knobs to turn: simple interactive toys, which were, I felt, age appropriate given his apparent youth. The father seemed quite irked at his son's interest in these toys and would substitute a reading preparatory toy which had all the alphabet on it, and really looked rather complicated. I could see that it was labelled "Suitable for 3 to 6 year olds".

I paused at that. This man's son had a clear and strong interest in toys suitable for a one year old. He looked to be between one and two years old, by comparison with Tiarnan who was standing fairly near him. Yet, the father was trying to interest his son in a toy suitable for up to 6 year olds.

What was particularly interesting was what the son did, everytime the father presented him with the reading toy: he looked briefly at it, didn't look at his father and then turned away, to search for the toy that had just been taken from him. Once he had found it, he would resume playing with it again.

The father would just look angry. He would then pull the toy away from his son, or his son away from the toy and again present the reading preparatory toy. It was a battle of the wills. Yet, clearly the father was not going to win this one, since his son completely failed to attempt to interact with the toy presented to him.

Most telling of all, was what the mother was doing, throughout. She was looking on, motionless apart from her lips, which open and shut slightly and rather tensely, as if she wished to speak, but restrained herself. She looked from father to son and back again and did nothing. Clearly, though, she wanted to intervene; clearly she had a different opinion to the father as to what was suitable for the boy.

They were still at it when I left, with Tiarnan.

Though months have passed, this incident stayed with me, for it is emblematic of an attitude Singaporeans are famous for: Kiasu. This is the idea that they must win, that they can't lose or lose out and that they must compete to have it all.

Here was a most kiasu father. He wanted his son to read, just after he had learnt to walk. He didn't want his son to play with mere children's toys (even though the child liked them and they seemed appropriate). He wanted the child to be what the child was not. If the child was ready for reading, he would be showing interest in the reading toy. Yet, he was not. Looking at the boy, it was clear he would not be ready for a few years. Here, was a father who was not going to "lose out"...his son had to read before his neighbours'/friends'/relatives' children did etc etc.

I have reflected upon this. This man didn't know the difference between wanting the best for his son and wanting his son to be the best. They are far from being the same. If the child was ready for reading, then it would be appropriate to give him the toy presented. He might then be the earliest reader in the father's social circle. That is fine if it is so. However, unless the child is actually like that, then you cannot make him be so: the child cannot be made to be the "best" unless that is already in him.

Perhaps this father had heard of an early reader and was now competing with this other child, through his son. This is a common product of kiasu thinking. However, it is the child that suffers in all this, for the child cannot be what the child is not meant to be.

The attitude of kiasu should be laid to rest. Each and every child should be given what they, as individuals, need. If it is reading material at one years old, that is suitable, that is fine. However, the child should never be made to do that which is inappropriate to that particular child. Let each child be, what each child is.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged eight years and one month, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and seven months, and Tiarnan, two years exactly, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

Fintan's school report

The other day, we made our way to Fintan's school to hear how he was doing.

The teachers were pleased with him. They told us that: "He really concentrates on everything that he is doing...he is very focussed."

That, in itself, was good news, for many young children are not able to focus on anything for long. Fintan, four, however, was.

"He really loves reading...and he even teaches the other children how to read!" There was marvel on her tongue at, I surmised, the sweetness of this. I could imagine Fintan teaching his fellow kids, just as he had taught his grandmother.

This was nice to hear - for it shows that he is supportive of others and wants to reach out to help them.

However, it was the last observation that really struck me: "He is very loving and kind."

That for me, was the best news - better than any academic promise was the fact that he was a loving and kind boy. It turns out that he shows great love, kindness and concern to all his fellows - and nurtures them as best he might. What a sweetie.

(If you would like to read more of Fintan, four years and one month, or his gifted brothers, Ainan Celeste Cawley, seven years and eight months, a scientific child prodigy, or Tiarnan, eighteen months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, the creatively gifted, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

Fintan on teaching reading.

The other day, Fintan, just turned four, took out his book, as he likes to do, and began to read aloud.

However, this day was a little more special than a preschooler reading for himself. He was sitting with his grandmother and he took it upon himself to teach her to read.

He took hold of his grandmother's finger and moved it across each word as he said them aloud carefully to her, to make sure that she understood. He was concerned that the lesson should be clear.

After he had read each line, he wanted his grandmother to repeat it. She did so. At one point, however, to tease him, she read, "Dog" as "Cat."

He paused. He looked at her and very patiently corrected her: "Dog, not cat...why did you say cat?"

"Because the dog looks like a cat.", she explained, inaccurately.

Fintan looked long at the dog, examining it for "cat-ness". After a while, he looked up and said, as if to reassure someone who wasn't quite all there: "It's OK...".

He was very nice about it - but I am sure it did plant some doubts in him about his grandmother's perceptions, eyesight or both. Yet, he was patient with her.

I think Fintan makes a good teacher.

(If you would like to read more of Fintan, four years and no months, or his gifted brothers, Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged seven years and seven months, or Tiarnan, seventeen months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, the creatively gifted, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

An unexpected early reader

Fintan, three, is the least verbal of our children. He is very much a visual child. Yet, he has surprised us with his verbal development.

A few days ago, my wife Syahidah was in a library with Fintan, where she was reading books to him. Suddenly, he pointed at some script and said: "What about this: follow the line."

Syahidah looked at where he was pointing and read there the words: "follow the line."

What surprised her was not that he should recognize some words - for he has been doing that for over six months, at random times, but that he should have read words she was sure she had never read to him, before. He had not seen the word "follow" or the word "line" written down before.

Fintan, the least verbal of our children, is reading.

What is also notable is that he didn't say the words piecemeal as if reading phonemes one by one, as some children might - but had said the words naturally in a normal, conversational voice.

We are coming to understand, that every one of our children is surprising. All three of them defy our expectations. If we come to a view of them, and a set of expectations, it is not long before they do something to upset that view.

What next?

Early reading: first word recognition

Tiarnan is twelve months old, and yesterday night he rather surprised us. He noticed a word "pet", written down and, without anyone else saying anything, he clearly said: "Pet". Now, I don't know about you, but that seems to me to be rather more than coincidence: of all the sounds he could have made at that moment, he made the one sound, clearly enunciated, which happened to be the word in front of him.

He hadn't repeated a word said by others since no-one had said that word. It was his own initiative and response to the stimulus in front of him.

The only conclusion we could come to is that Tiarnan had recognized the word - and so read it. Uncanny.

(If you would like to read more about Tiarnan, or his gifted brothers Fintan, three and Ainan Celeste Cawley, seven years and two months, a scientific child prodigy, then please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, intelligence, IQ, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, baby genius, savant, the creatively gifted, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)