An unexpected word.

Yesterday I did as I have done, many thousands of times in my life: I held a door open for someone. It was at a petrol station, where I had been buying a newspaper.

Now, I have done this many, many times, in Singapore. This time, however, I was in Malaysia. I was surprised to note that there was a distinct difference in the two experiences. Can you guess what it was? Please have a think about it, before reading on.

Well, have you come to a conclusion? What difference could there be in simply opening a door in Malaysia or Singapore? Well, I was surprised. You see, the Malaysian man - who was Malay, in appearance, and in his fifties, I would say, said: "Thanks".

That is all. He said, "Thanks." Oddly, I found myself startled to hear that word. Now, why, you may ask, would I be startled? Well, because in Singapore I never heard the word at all. I had become accustomed to holding doors open for people - be they men, women or children - who would never, ever say "thanks" for doing so. They would walk through in silence, as if I were some kind of lower life form or personal servant (the same thing, in Singapore). So, here, in Malaysia, when I heard that word, I found myself rather surprised. How sad it is, that I should be surprised to be thanked.

I must say, that I am not always thanked when I hold the door open in Malaysia - however, it does seem more common, here, to hear the expression of thanks, than it was in Singapore. The polished city state to my south, may believe itself to be a higher civilization than Malaysia, but, in terms of the manners of its citizens, it is most certainly not.

Perhaps, in Singapore, manners are not regarded as important. In that CITY state, CIVIL behaviour is not thought of as important. Yet, it makes a difference. I felt suitably appreciated for having had the forethought to hold the door open for that middle aged man, yesterday. In Singapore, however, I would usually be made to feel like an idiot for caring enough to do so. One word makes all the difference between appreciation and a snub - and, personally, I would rather be appreciated. So, Singapore could learn something from that middle aged Malay man: a single word, "thanks" and when to use it.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 6 and Tiarnan, 4, this month, please go to:
http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at: http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/
Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/
Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

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This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

Children's Day, Singapore, October 1st

October 1st, every year, in Singapore is Children's Day. This is, as the name suggests, meant to be a day of celebration of children and childhood. At least, that is the theory.

Fintan enjoyed a party of some kind, at school, for Children's Day - and, in the evening, Syahidah arranged for an outing to mark the day. We had in mind two activities - one for Ainan and one for Fintan.

For Ainan we wanted to go to the top of one of the tallest buildings in Singapore. Ainan has an interest in tall buildings, and has an encylopaedic knowledge of their heights, locations and designs. He has even been to the top of the Petronas Twin Towers (the tallest twin towers in the world) in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. (He did so a few weeks ago).

However, we had not been to the top of any of Singapore's tall buildings.

Anyway, we went to UOB Plaza and into UOB tower, myself, my wife and two children in tow. We had done our research and knew that, although we couldn't go to the top (62nd storey), we should be able to go to the restaurant on the 60th floor.

Once in the lobby, I soon saw an escalator going up, with a sign on its side: "Restaurant 60th floor". I saw others taking it, upwards, one after the other. I walked towards it, trailing my family. I was within three steps of it, when a guard approached. "Where are you going?" He asked. "The restaurant." I said pointing upwards.

He looked at his watch. "Six thirty. It opens at six thirty."

He wasn't going to let us up. I could see that. The matter of the opening time of the restaurant was just an excuse. It should have been obvious why we wanted to go up to the sixtieth floor with children in tow: to see the view. That, however, was not to be allowed.

I did note that no-one else had been stopped - only us. It must have been because we had children with us. A funny thing this Children's Day: people are so charitable on it - and clearly believe in the importance of children.

Next we tried Republic Plaza. This too is a very tall tower - similar to UOB Tower.

This time I thought it best to approach the guard directly and raise the issue with him, to gain permission.

"Is it OK if I take my children up?"

"Yes. Sure." he said.

Great, I thought, that simple.

I turned to call my children in.

"Which floor?" he then asked.

"The top."

"Oh no. You can't go up there. It is a private club: the Tower Club."

It seemed that he had supposed that I was taking my children up to my office. Once it was clear that I was just visiting the matter became an impossibility.

"What about another floor? A high floor?"

"No. You can't go up. It is not open to the public." He had changed from helpful to resistive in an instant. It was almost funny to watch, were it not to our disadvantage.

"Where then?" asked Syahidah, "Where in Singapore can we go up to the top of the towers?"

"In Singapore?" he began, as if to say..."Are you mad? Don't you know what it is like around here?" "They are all closed to the public. Except for Raffles City...you could try there."

"The restaurant?"

"Yes."

No - we both thought. Not tall enough - and too far from where we were now, what with our other plans to see to.

So, Republic Plaza wouldn't let two children go up to the top on Children's Day, either.

A funny thing this Children's Day: people are so charitable on it - and clearly believe in the importance of children.

My wife didn't want to go back to try UOB Tower again for it had seemed clear that he just didn't want us to go up. There was no reason why we couldn't go up to the sixtieth while the restaurant was closed: the view would still be open.

Ainan managed not to be too disappointed, though we had failed to give him his wish for the day. Or more precisely Singapore had failed to deliver what it could so easily have done.

It is a puzzle really. I have been to New York and been to the top of the Empire State Building. No-one tried to stop me. No-one said I couldn't. I am sure, too, that I could have brought my children had they been born at the time. Most countries make tourist attractions of their tallest buildings - but not Singapore. Singapore makes a no-go area of them. I can't see why.

The next wish was easier to grant. We went to the cinema to see Azur and Azmar - a fantastic film set in a world that never was - one of Arabian magic and Djinn Fairies. My wife particularly liked it because of the drawing style of the cartoons. It was directed by Michele Ocelot and is to be recommended to those who have children whose imaginations have not yet died. Even if they have, this might perk them up a bit. I won't say too much about it, lest I do what I loathe to see others do: spoil the plot. Let us just say it takes a look at childhood, motherhood and how lives turn out. It is also a comment on brotherly love and sibling rivalry.

One thing I did note on going to the cinema was that we had to take an MRT (underground train). I have never done this before with my children in tow, since we normally use taxis with them. I was rather surprised to note one thing: there was no children's rate. Both our children paid the full adult fare. That is rather surprising, especially compared to all the other countries I have been to. Everywhere that I can recall has a children's rate for transport - and for cinemas, by the way. Our children paid the full adult rate for the film, too.

Singapore may have a Children's Day - but it is far from being a child friendly city or culture. Perhaps that is why so many potential parents, here, choose never to become parents at all. Nothing is free here. In England, kindergarten was free, when I was a child - here, in Singapore, it is most definitely not - and is really quite expensive.

Everywhere we went, on Children's Day, our children had to pay their way, like fully-fledged adults: on the train, in the cinema...and at the restaurant (no children's portions).

Personally, I think it is a very short-sighted way to build a nation. The future of the nation is the little ones, the children. Yet, despite the existence of a Children's Day - and even on Children's Day itself - children get short shrift in Singapore. There are no concessions made here for parents or children. A country that chooses not to support children, in this way, is one that won't have too many children to support. In a few short decades, such a nation, will be an ex-nation. For without children, there is no future.

It comes as no surprise that Singapore has one of the lowest total fertility rates in the world (at 1.26 births per woman, listed 186th out of 195 countries, on Wikipedia). That rate, note, is so far below replacement rate that, without immigration, Singapore would drop to 60 % of its original population in one generation. It wouldn't take too many generations for there to be nation, at all.

Everywhere we went on Children's Day, not one Singaporean showed any evidence of consideration towards our children. No-one in Singapore seemed to know that it was Children's Day - or what Children's day meant.

A funny thing this Children's Day: people are so charitable on it - and clearly believe in the importance of children.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged seven years and ten months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and three months, and Tiarnan, twenty months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

Fintan's school report

The other day, we made our way to Fintan's school to hear how he was doing.

The teachers were pleased with him. They told us that: "He really concentrates on everything that he is doing...he is very focussed."

That, in itself, was good news, for many young children are not able to focus on anything for long. Fintan, four, however, was.

"He really loves reading...and he even teaches the other children how to read!" There was marvel on her tongue at, I surmised, the sweetness of this. I could imagine Fintan teaching his fellow kids, just as he had taught his grandmother.

This was nice to hear - for it shows that he is supportive of others and wants to reach out to help them.

However, it was the last observation that really struck me: "He is very loving and kind."

That for me, was the best news - better than any academic promise was the fact that he was a loving and kind boy. It turns out that he shows great love, kindness and concern to all his fellows - and nurtures them as best he might. What a sweetie.

(If you would like to read more of Fintan, four years and one month, or his gifted brothers, Ainan Celeste Cawley, seven years and eight months, a scientific child prodigy, or Tiarnan, eighteen months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, the creatively gifted, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

Tiarnan's concern for Daddy

Yesterday, Tiarnan, fifteen months (just turned), did something very sweet.

I was sitting in the computer room and Tiarnan was outside near the kitchen with his mummy. He was carrying a plate on which there sat a biscuit with spread on it. Syahidah told him to go sit in the living room - and he began to walk off - but not in the direction she had indicated. He walked towards the computer room.

Thus, I saw his little form round the corner carrying this plate. He raised it up to me so that I could better see what he offered. It was clear what he intended: my baby son was trying to feed his Daddy. I wasn't hungry but I wasn't going to refuse this thoughtful kindness of my youngest son.

"Thank you, Tiarnan, for the biscuit." I said and he seemed gratified.

I reached down and took the half-eaten biscuit (for the rest was inside him) and ate it, bite by bite. He watched me do so and offered me the plate. I took it and placed it down on the table. When the biscuit was finished he pointed at the plate - and so I gave it back to him.

Happily he walked backwards out of the room looking up at me all the while.

As he left the room, he said, "Bye, bye!".

I was struck by his sweet thoughtfulness in thinking of his Daddy while the others ate. It must have been clear to him that one person was missing from the biscuit-fest - and he had not ignored that but had taken the initiative to ensure that his Daddy had a biscuit too. What did he do: he gave his OWN biscuit to me.

His sweetness and consideration, at such a young age, are not all that common. Many children of his age have yet to learn to think of anyone but themselves. To do so, requires that the child understand other people's situation and to be concerned about it: both skills and attitudes are usually lacking at that age.

It is warming to have a son who would actually think of his father's needs - and do something about them.

What a sweet boy: the littlest waiter in the world.

(If you would like to read more about Tiarnan, fifteen months, or his gifted brothers, Ainan Celeste Cawley, seven years and four months, or Fintan, three, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, the creatively gifted, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

Thanks to the kindly Californian

Someone from California left a comment which I can't publish but which was the product of kindness and thoughtfulness. I would like to thank them and to be aware that I will heed their words.

Your intent is much appreciated.

Best wishes to you in the US of A.

The value of kindness

In the past couple of days, I have learnt a valuable lesson. There are many attributes of a person which I have previously valued, highly, including creativity, intelligence, persistence, honesty, open-ness, fairness and so on, but one, it is now clear to me, is of greater importance than all of these: kindness.

So important is kindness that I would say I would rather a child who was kind than a child who was bright, for, in being kind, they will bring greater happiness to the world and a greater civility to society at large. Their very nature would make the world a better place to live in.

Why is the subject of kindness on my mind? Well, I refer you to the post before regarding a message board that posted doubts about my reality, followed by further posts many of which, at first, were distinctly hostile, others very unkind. In time, kinder voices joined in and mellowed the discussion a bit - but the damage had been done. It was rather like walking into a room and suddenly been set upon by a gang. I was shocked, hurt and upset to be treated so by a "gifted community support group". It was this experience that led me to understand that kindness is a more important attribute than intelligence. Given that the board is devoted to those of extreme gift, many of the posters would, I assume be gifted. However, that did not make them kind to their fellow humans.

So, if you see unkindness in your children, stamp it out before it grows. The greatest attribute they could bring to the world, as contributing adults, is the kindness of their hearts: there is clearly not enough of it in the world.

I would like to thank the kinder voices on that board for being more humane than the others - and for being closer to what one expects a good person to be. As for those who were unkind, I can only hope that life will teach them to be gentler to their fellows, in time. It is vital for our world that kindness be one's natural instinct - rather than instant suspicion, allegation and abrasive attack.

So, here's hoping for a kinder world! Have a good day all.

(If you would like to read about my scientific child prodigy son, Ainan Celeste Cawley, seven years and three plus weeks, and his gifted brothers, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, the creatively gifted, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)