Sensitivity in a child.

Fintan is a sensitive boy. He notices matters of feeling where others would see and feel nothing at all. This receptiveness complements, nicely, his adeptness in social skills – indeed, the two seem closely related, to me.

Long ago, so long that I cannot place a time on it (though I will consult with my wife and see if we can pin it down), Fintan was listening to his mother sing songs, to him, one night.

“Mummy,”, he said, his serious voice emerging from the darkness, “Why do you sing sad songs, at night?”

Syahidah was taken aback. “No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”, he said, still serious, indeed, somewhat saddened, it seemed. “Rock a bye baby is a sad song, because the baby falls down.”

He had a point. Syahidah fell silent and decided not to sing that song. I don’t know whether she ever sang it again.

This exchange is so characteristic of Fintan. To my mind, there is a great sweetness in being able to perceive, as Fintan does, the tragedy in a lullaby, or the underlying emotions in any social situation, whether personally witnessed, or described to him, in a story or on a TV: Fintan always sees the feelings at work – and the meanings of it in terms of emotional values.

It occurs to me that these are the kinds of perceptions and skills that no school ever teaches. Indeed, they would probably go unappreciated in any school in the world. No-one cares too much for feeling or its perception. Yet, in truth, such perceptions are of great value: they are what guide us in our relations with the world and they are that on which many a work of art, in any media, is founded. For Fintan to see the world in this way, is a blessing that, I hope, he will fully appreciate when he grows up. The question is: will the world appreciate this gift, in him, or overlook it? Will the wonder why he is moved, when he is so? Will people think him overly sensitive? Will they regard that as an asset, or a burden?

Whatever the world might think of Fintan’s ways, I know him to be blessed. For Fintan sees emotional riches in the world that others cannot see at all. That means that Fintan’s world is more alive, more layered and more meaningful than the world of those who do not see, as he does. That can only be a good thing.

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The urgings of Singaporeans.

It is very interesting the way a people react, when an outsider holds a mirror up for them to peer into. I do this, daily, for Singapore. However, it is abundantly clear that many Singaporeans don't appreciate being shown their own reflection. They have a typical reaction to it. Each and every poster, from Singapore, who has commented on my tendency to comment on Singapore in a truthful manner tells me one thing: leave.

I find this very interesting. The universal response of Singaporeans to anyone who writes in the least bit critically, or honestly, or openly, is to ask them to leave Singapore. Not one of them has said anything along the lines of "We find your viewpoint eye-opening, however it might be difficult to admit, so please hang around and comment some more...". No. What they always say is: go away.

What I find most interesting about this tendency of theirs to urge the messenger to depart, is that they never actually look at the validity or content of the message itself. They never seem to consider whether, in fact, the point being made is true or not. All they seem to be able to see is that the comment is not a COMPLIMENT...and then they react negatively. In Singapore, there is freedom of speech, as long as you only say wonderful things about the way things are. The moment you actually speak the TRUTH...everyone gets unhappy about it. I find this most amusing. It is land that not only lives in denial, but rejects those who are not in denial along with them.

It is not just on the question of critical comment that Singaporeans have urged us to leave. Only a small fraction of my posts are critical of Singapore (though it is telling to note that the Singaporeans who complain of them, write as if all the posts are critical...even though some are even complimentary). I am also urged to leave whenever I write of educational matters or tell of the lack of solid support we have received for our son's educational needs. Again, the response (this time in very aggressive words) is for us to be asked to leave.

Now, none of this would really matter. Except for one thing. You see, what I find most odd is that not one commenter, whether it be on my blog writings, or my educational writings, or the situation with respect to the education of our children, has ever asked us to stay. Not one Singaporean has ever suggested that we should stay on and enjoy the hospitality of their nation. Not one has extended a verbal welcome online...all of them are urgings to go elsewhere.

This is, I think, the most revealing aspect of the situation. You see, to my mind, the most valuable person in a society or an organization, is the person who is telling you what you don't want to hear. For that person, and perhaps that person ALONE, is the only one who is telling you the truth of things as they are. The ones who always tell you what you want to hear, are lying to you. They are the "yes" men, who will never let you see things as they are. Yet, in Singapore, the truth tellers are asked to leave and the yes men are urged to stay. We have never been in the category of "yes men" and so have never been offered any real kind of welcome, on an ongoing basis.

Singapore is a country that doesn't know who to value. The ones they embrace tend not to be ones who can offer anything new or substantial to the country (just think of all the "top guys", here, who seem not to have a single idea of their own, as far as I can determine); whereas the ones they wish elsewhere are actually the ones who have something novel to offer. No doubt this is largely due to the fact that Singapore is a nation built on conformity: it is a case of the bland leading the bland. Anyone with any real spark of originality or character, or insight, in such a framework, is really, really unwelcome.

Some Singaporeans wish we would leave, because we challenge the way things are, in some ways. I tend to express my thoughts on the place - and we are trying to do something non-standard in the way of educating our children. These two characteristics do not endear us to those who like their city to be a place without change; a place in which no one challenges the way things are, in any way, at any time.

The funny thing is that what I am doing is very mild. I am doing nothing more than trying to meet the educational needs of my children - and speaking my mind on what I observe happening in Singapore. In most societies, these activities would be regarded as SO inoffensive that no-one would mind in the least. In fact, they would probably welcome the stimulus of the conversations that result. In Singapore, however, to comment freely is regarded as unacceptable; to wish to educate one's children in a non-standard way, is also not to be tolerated. The problem, therefore, is not with what I am doing or saying - but with the way Singaporeans are: they just do not have much tolerance for outside views or ways different to their own. There is only one way to do things: the Singaporean way. Anything else, is to be asked "to leave".

This is darkly amusing. You see, if a nation's people are so intolerant of outside perspectives or new ways of trying to do things, then that nation is on a path to extinction. Nowhere that is not open to outsiders, open to change, open to review and feedback, is going to develop in a healthy way, in the modern world. It is going to fail.

So, please, by all means ask all who give Singapore feedback, to leave. Please, by all means, ask all who challenge the educational system, to depart. In the end, it is Singapore that shall lose by its closed-mindedness.

P.S: I am writing this post in response to yet another commenter who has asked me to leave Singapore. He is doing so because I wrote negatively of Singapore's electricians and entertainment industry! A more rational response would be to regulate both industries to eliminate the problems revealed...but no, the Singaporean approach is get rid of the critic, not to address the problem! (You see it is quicker and easier to silence a critic, than to solve a problem. If no-one is left to speak about a problem, Singaporeans think it is equivalent to solving the problem, because no-one is speaking about it anymore. Great stuff.)

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged eight years and seven months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, five years exactly, and Tiarnan, twenty-eight months, please go to:http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, wunderkind, wonderkind, genio, гений ребенок prodigy, genie, μεγαλοφυία θαύμα παιδιών, bambino, kind.

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On sensitivity and toughness

Which is more valuable: to be sensitive or to be tough? I know what Singapore's answer to that question is: I heard it today, many times.

This morning I attended a talk, at Ainan's school, for parents. The underlying purpose of the talk was to tell parents how to "toughen up" their children. Everything about the talk, was directed to this end, of achieving tough little children. The speaker, who was an "expert on raising children", had the view that toughness was to be valued. His view had one merit: that a tough child would be more resilient in the face of disappointment or setback. In that sense, he had reason for his position - yet, I worried, as I heard him extol his techniques for generating toughness in children. There seemed to be something missing: the appreciation of sensitivity.

Sensitivity was a word noted only by its absence from his two hour talk. Not once did he mention the concept of sensitivity. Not once did he evaluate its use, value or purpose in the personality structure of a child. I found this lack really perturbing. You see, what is a sensitive child, but one that responds to the environment? What is a sensitive child but one who feels, and thinks, subtly and with freedom? A sensitive child may become an artist, or an actor, a writer - or a leader who feels for his or her people. A sensitive person can make a great boss, for they will feel for their workers and respond to them more warmly. Sensitivity is not something to be dismissed - yet it was ignored entirely. This Singaporean "expert on raising children", clearly did not value the human side of children at all. What he valued seemed very much like a worker who would put up with anything, without complaint. What he valued seemed very much like someone who would take endless abuse and just carry on. Perhaps that is what is really needed in the Singaporean system. Perhaps people without feeling or responsiveness, who just carry on ploddingly, no matter what are what is sought from education, here. Yet, I can't help but feel that such people would be incomplete: without a decent measure of sensitivity they will wholly fail to grasp the essence, truth and beauty of life, at all. Without some sensitivity such people will never truly live.

Every beautiful person I have ever met - and I mean beautiful on the inside, not the outside - has been a sensitive person, to some degree. None of them have been so tough as to fulfil the criteria sought by this speaker.

Resilience is important if a child is to grow up into an adult able to cope with the vicissitudes of life. However, that resilience must not come at the price of losing one's essential sensitivity. It is the latter quality that leads to a beautiful life. Toughness does not afford one a beautiful life - it only allows one to endure the suffering of an ugly one.

There is, I feel, too little concern for the human side of humanity, here. The attention is directed too much to creating efficient little workers who will fit nicely into the system without creating any perturbation - and will endure all the discomforts that come with a system that doesn't actually value the individual human being for themselves.

I would rather a sensitive child than a tough child. A sensitive child could be a great poet, a wonderful actor, an inspiring leader, a perceptive thinker, a lyrical writer, a profound musician. A tough child is unlikely to be any of these - though they are likely to endure in the face of much suffering and "succeed" eventually, in a conventional sense. Perhaps that is all that is wanted here, by the educational system: that the children "succeed" in a conventional sense. No wonder, then, that there is such a dearth of creative geniuses here. Why, you wonder? Well, you see, most great geniuses are, dare I say it...rather SENSITIVE!

With all this effort to knock the sensitivity out of children - indeed with special talks for just that purpose - it is no wonder that so little genius survives to flourish here.

What we need more of is: gentleness, sensitivity, kindness and consideration. Unfortunately, no more alien concepts could be tabled, than those four words, when set against what the system here, would like the children to show - and grow into.

Personally, I would rather a nation with a measurable sprinkling of sensitive geniuses - than an abundance of tough little workers. To create such a place, of course, would necessitate a complete change in the way the children are raised - and that's definitely never going to happen.

So, tough Singaporeans it is to be.

Ah well.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged eight years and one month, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and seven months, and Tiarnan, two years exactly, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

The best party in the world

Fintan, four, is rather fond of drawing and painting. His compositions tend to the well-designed and/or story telling. There is always something in particular going on.

About a month ago, he showed us one painting that was heavy on the dark green and other dark colours - and had been done on dark paper. Off to one side was a large cat.

"It is called Leopard at a Party", said Fintan, to his mummy, Syahidah.

Syahidah looked at it for a moment, drinking in its anatomically correct cat, its well-observed trees and other animal guests and pointed out something she had noticed:

"Fintan, the Leopard hasn't got any eyes."

Fintan looked at his mummy, then, as if she had overlooked something pretty obvious:

"Mummy, it doesn't need eyes: it is dark!"

What a wonderful - and logical - perspective he has on things.

Sadly, that evening, when I came home, I found Fintan on the floor with a pair of scissors. He had cut up his wonderful painting. Perhaps, I thought, he had taken Syahidah's remark as a criticism.

I asked him why he had cut it up. He pointed at a part of it and said: "I wanted to take that bit out." I had an awful feeling that it was the Leopard he was referring to.

It wasn't entirely clear which bit, though - but perhaps, he had become dissatisfied with his own work, once the omission had been pointed out. It was a pity because it was a well-observed painting that got everything just right - apart from the eyes of one who did not need to see.

It seems that Fintan is both creative - and sensitive. Though, of course, I cannot be sure why he decided to cut up the painting. Perhaps he had another creative intent behind it. I, for one, however, would have liked to have kept "Leopard at a Party".

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged seven years and ten months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and three months, and Tiarnan, twenty months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)