Strategic thinking about social situations

Fintan, four, has a good understanding of the social world. He seems to peer into the motives of others and make judgement calls that are well-founded in an understanding of human behaviour. Sometimes, however, this leads to comic, though justified remarks.

A few days ago, Syahidah asked Fintan whom he would like to take to the cinema with him. He looked up at her and said, rather quickly: "Abang Ainan, because he doesn't eat. If I took Tiarnan, he might eat my popcorn."

He didn't get his wish, however. In the end, he went with his mother, father - and Tiarnan. Ainan was elsewhere.

He was right. Tiarnan ate his popcorn. He wasn't too put out, though - since I had got an extra large box of it, for him, just in case his prediction turned out to be correct.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged eight years and five months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and ten months, and Tiarnan, twenty-seven months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, wunderkind, wonderkind, genio, гений ребенок prodigy, genie, μεγαλοφυία θαύμα παιδιών, bambino, kind, niño, gênio criança, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

A socially aware child: interpersonal intelligence

Fintan is a very socially aware child. In being so, he shows a generous degree of interpersonal intelligence. This is the intellectual function proposed as one of the multiple intelligences, by Howard Gardner - its counterpart is intrapersonal intelligence (knowing oneself).

A couple of weeks ago, it was a hot day. Syahidah and Fintan were in the Dempsey Road area of Singapore - which is a sheltered enclave of idiosyncratic shops and restaurants in low-lying buildings. They recall earlier times when Singapore had more space: it is popular with expats, perhaps for that very reason.

Fintan, four, and Syahidah were walking through the area, casting an eye into the shops that they passed. They had already been there some while and it was nearly time to go home. Suddenly, Syahidah said: "Let's go into the organic shop, Fintan."

They did so. Syahidah walked aimlessly around for a while, in its cool interior, then asked a shop assistant: "Do you have kale?"

"No."

Syahidah lingered in the shop with Fintan, until finally she left with him.

Fintan, four, was studying his mother very carefully. "Mummy, you didn't want anything in that shop did you? You just wanted to go in because of the aircon."

The funny thing is, he was right. Syahidah had just sought the relief of the aircon against the heat of the sunlit outside. She didn't really intend to buy kale, or anything else for that matter. Somehow, Fintan had divined this.

This is not the only time Fintan has seen through matters to their social truth. He often catches the real meaning of what is happening, to a surprising degree.

I think, of all the different ways a child can be smart, this particular one is among the most useful in the long run. After all, understanding people and their ways has implications for success in all areas of life.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged eight years and five months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and ten months, and Tiarnan, twenty-seven months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, wunderkind, wonderkind, genio, гений ребенок prodigy, genie, μεγαλοφυία θαύμα παιδιών, bambino, kind, niño, gênio criança, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

Reserved silence and social maturity

I had the privilege to observe Ainan, yesterday, in an impromptu classroom situation.

It was at a Science Show in the Mall event. These are events put on by the Science Centre and ASTAR - Singapore's Agency for Science Technology and Research (I think that is how it goes).

It was an all afternoon affair, but it was the end of it, that drew my attention.

Ainan sat with perhaps 50 other kids, listening to the presenters who were asking scientific questions of the audience. At every question, one, two or three kids would raise their hands, their faces straining to be the one chosen to answer. Ainan, however, was much cooler than that. He sat, with his mother and, instead of raising his arm would lean over to her and relay the answer to her.

I was some distance away but I could read the answers on his lips. Then another child would be chosen to answer. They would go up, answer the question into a mike, then receive a prize. Ainan, however, didn't rise to this particular bait - prize or no prize, he never let his arm rise into the air. He just leant over and answered each of the perhaps twenty questions to his mother. He made no effort to draw the presenters attention to himself, he didn't shout out an answer nor raise his arm.

I thought this very revealing. It seems that Ainan has learnt the social value of discretion. What benefit would come to him from answering all the questions? He would learn nothing more - but he might alienate the other children. So, what did he do instead? He answered none of them publicly - yet I could see that he knew the answers. He was taking a more discrete path.

I found myself impressed by this. It seems that he has acquired a certain social wisdom in the past year. He has learnt that it is better to be discrete than to shout out one's knowledge. He is more likely to have friends that way, and more likely to be accepted. He has, it seems, no need for the ego boost that comes from being seen to be the one who knows. He, instead, prefers to know that he knows - and to let his mother know, too. That is enough for him.

Ainan is, it seems, learning how to adjust to the social world rather more effectively than I had hoped. Relatively few gifted children learn to be this discrete, so early on - after all Ainan is yet only 7. It is a hopeful sign, therefore, that he will be able to navigate the social issues ahead that he shall no doubt face.

I wonder how many teachers, however, would understand the quiet child, who knows but doesn't show that he knows? Most would misunderstand, of course. Yet, what he would lose from the teacher, he would gain from his fellows: so it might, indeed, be a fair trade. It is no good having one teacher on your side, when to do so, you lose 40 kids. That doesn't seem wise. Ainan has chosen the socially more enriching path. A reserved silence is what one can expect from this particular gifted child in the classroom.

What do you have to do to find out what's on his mind? Have a quiet chat with him, away from the multitude of observers. Then he will let his guard down.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged seven years and eleven months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and four months, and Tiarnan, twenty-one months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

Considering other people's lives

Fintan, four, is a boy of high social intelligence (interpersonal intelligence). He is ever watching, learning and understanding other people's lives. Some children, I have noted, hardly give anyone else a thought. Perhaps they lack empathy, or interest in others. Perhaps they are too self-centred. Perhaps some of them are autistic or tending towards it. Fintan, on the other hand, is a keen social observer.

Today, he made a remark which brought his social gifts to my attention. We had just visited the local shop, in my case to buy some food, in his case to buy a Transformer robot. As we walked home, he looked up at me, his curly hair limned by the street lamps, and asked: "Why is that shop open at night?" It was about 9 p.m so that was a fair question.

I didn't answer why, I answered the "what" of it. "Well, he is open until 10 pm."

He didn't reveal whether he considered this an adequate reply. He just looked up at me again, and asked: "How does he eat his dinner? How does he go to the toilet?"

How, indeed. The shopkeeper worked alone, in his shop, from 9 am to 10 pm everyday apart from Sunday when he stopped early, at 2 pm. Fintan, rather than dwell on the toy purchase clutched in his hand, actually went to the trouble of considering another person's life. Fintan wondered how this man lived, how he did the things everyone has to do - when there was no-one else to help him mind his shop. To me, that indicated a high degree of social intelligence and understanding. He was showing insight into the other man's position. It also showed that he actually cared about other people's situation - for if he didn't have such empathy - he wouldn't bother himself to think about it.

I find it warming that Fintan actually thinks about other people's lives, that he is actually interested enough to try to understand them. Many, many children - perhaps most - would not have given a single thought to what a shopkeeper's day must be like. Most children would grow up into adults who never gave it a thought, either. Fintan, on the other hand, considered it a problem worthy of attention. How does a shopkeeper live? Fintan would like to know.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged seven years and ten months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and three months, and Tiarnan, twenty months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

Natural hairstyle and individuality

As regular readers will know, Fintan, four, has curly hair. Yet, we live in Singapore - a "Land of the Straight-Hairs", as I call it. Basically everyone, apart from foreign visitors, has straight, black, flat hair.

A few days ago, Syahidah took Fintan to the Science Centre, in Singapore. This is a kind of interactive Science Museum - though not as extensive as the Science Museum in Kensington, London, that I remember from my childhood, it is still worth a visit, particularly for children.

While wandering around the exhibits, Syahidah noticed two children who looked rather surprising: they both had curly hair.

"Look Fintan!" she pointed them out to him, "They are like you."

He looked and he saw and then he spoke a little disenchantedly, "Yeh, but who is the father?"

His arm picked out a man far away across the room, amidst the bustle of many people coming and going - a curly headed man. How he spotted the man in such a crowded, busy, poorly lit, room is a marvel - but being sharp of eye is typical for Fintan.

There was too much separation between the children and the "father" so Syahidah watched him for a while. Soon enough she saw him close the gap between them and interact with the kids: sure enough, he was the father.

This was one of the only occasions that Fintan has ever seen another curly headed person. Two things are interesting here: first, he was very quick to scan the environment and link the distant curly headed man as father to the nearby curly headed children. But also, it is telling, perhaps in a sad way, the conclusion he drew from this: that those children had reason enough for their curly hair - but he did not. You see neither his mother nor his father have curly hair - but we both have slightly wavy hair. It seems that two genetic doses of "wavy" is enough to make hair curly.

Why do I write this? Well, Fintan feels set apart by his appearance here, in Singapore. No other child of his acquaintance looks remotely like him. He doesn't look Malay (but is half-Malay), he doesn't look Irish (but is half-Irish), he doesn't look Chinese (but speaks it a little), he doesn't look Indian (but occasionally eats their food!). He has no real visual affiliation with any of the basic groupings of Singapore. Being of two different racial lineages, he looks only like his brothers. Allied to this disparity of race, is his hairstyle - abundant, never straight, curls, with plenty of natural body - and this makes him feel marked out from his fellow children. That feeling is unlikely to ever leave him, unless we live somewhere else.

Even Syahidah's attempt to make him feel that there were others, by pointing out the curly-headed children fell flat - because the father's appearance made it clear where their appearance comes from: Fintan has no such understanding of his origin. He cannot say to himself: "My hair looks like Daddy's" or "My hair looks like Mummy's". The fact is, it looks like neither's. Perhaps, then, he feels a little unanchored, a little set adrift. He needs to be moored to the facts of his origin - in a comprehensible visual way - but, owing to his mixed genetic lineage, he cannot really have that. The admixture has obscured his origins - and made something new.

Yet, I am happy for him that he is different. He is different in many ways - and not just hair. He is very much himself and unlike any other. In time, I think he will come to appreciate that and learn to be content with the way things are. It is just that, at four years old, finding common ground with one's fellow youngsters is a big social issue.

I look forward to the day when he is happy to be a stocky, curly headed, half-Irish, half-Malay, handsome man!

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged seven years and nine months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and two months, and Tiarnan, nineteen months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

Social skills in toddlers

Tiarnan is eighteen months old. Though yet young, he has shown, on many occasions, an unexpected social adroitness that is often funny in its aptness.

A week ago, Tiarnan was moving about a lot in a taxi.

His mother, Syahidah, said: "Sit down."

"I don't want to." he replied firmly and continued to investigate the interior of the taxi, energetically.

Seeing that her own request wasn't working, Syahidah tried another tack.

"The uncle will scold you.", she said, referring to the taxi driver.

He stopped, then, to observe the taxi driver.

The driver duly played along and looked fiercely at Tiarnan.

Yet, Tiarnan wasn't phased. He clambered forward to the centre of the taxi, betwixt the seats, leant forward, and gently patted the driver on his forearm, to pacify him, all the time looking up into his face.

It was such a disarming thing to do, and so aptly timed, that, had the driver genuinely been angry, I am sure that that would have mollified him: who could be angry after such a display?

It is often surprising how complex, subtle and appropriate the social behaviour of a young child can be. Particularly, if that child has shown some skill in social circumstances. Tiarnan is one such: he always seem to know what to do, to create just the right result for him.

(If you would like to learn more of Tiarnan, eighteen months, or his gifted brothers, Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged seven years and eight months, or Fintan, four years and one month, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, genetics, left-handedness, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

Tiarnan's love of nature

Now, I have heard many a curious thing in my life, but this is one of the more curious.

A couple of weeks ago, my wife was walking with Tiarnan, then fifteen months, in a park. Suddenly, he ran off across a field to where a lone tree stood. He looked up at the tree - which to him must have seemed a giant, but, as trees go, was both young and modest in size - and then he did something unaccountable: he put his arms around the tree and hugged it. He hugged it long and hard, embracing the tree as if it needed comfort. It was a long while before he released it, perhaps satisfied that he had comforted this lone tree, when it had, to him, clearly needed it.

Prince Charles would be proud of him. For those who don't know, Prince Charles won himself quite a reputation many years ago, for talking to plants. I suppose hugging them can be lumped in the same category. There is one difference, of course: Prince Charles the plant-talker was middle-aged at the time of the revelations; Tiarnan, the tree-hugger was fifteen months.

Who knows. Perhaps trees do feel a bit solitary at times. In any case, that was one tree that found itself unusually comforted by a little human, that day.

(If you would like to read more of Tiarnan, now sixteen months, or his gifted brothers, Ainan Celeste Cawley, seven years and six months, and Fintan, three, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, creatively gifted adults, gifted children and gifted adults in general. Thanks.)

Brotherly love and solidarity

Tiarnan is a little boy of big emotions. Though only fifteen months old, he shows an interesting degree of complexity in his social interactions and emotional responses.

A few days ago, Syahidah scolded Fintan, for something or other. Tiarnan was a witness to this. On seeing that Fintan was upset by this, he took it upon himself to deal with the matter. He followed his mother out of the living area and into the kitchen and, when he finally reached her, he gave her an overarm slap, with all the not very mighty force of his diminutive frame. Then, having satisfied his innate sense of justice he hurried back to Fintan, where he sat beside him, sharing a silent solidarity with him.

It was touching to see this demonstration of togetherness with his much larger brother: there they sat, a Laurel and Hardy like pair - Tiarnan, appearing slender, delicate and dwarfed by his much stockier, three year old brother Fintan.

It is in such displays that we can read the love children have for each other. Tiarnan is very attached to his mother - yet, on seeing his brother scolded, he took umbrage - and sided with his sibling.

(If you would like to read more of Tiarnan, fifteen months, or his gifted brothers, Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged seven years and five months, or Fintan, three, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, the creatively gifted, gifted children and gifted adults in general. Thanks.)

Ainan, the unconscious actor?

Over the past few months, Ainan has adopted a range of expressions which I had not seen on his face before. These expressions are incongruous when set against what I know of him. Where have they come from and why are they there?

Recently, I had the chance to find out. I managed to observe a number of children from his classroom and watch how they were. After a while, I noted something really peculiar: I saw those expressions of Ainan on another's face. At once, I understood: Ainan had acquired expressions from others - the expressions I had begun to see, were not even his own.

Why would he do this? Well, a gifted child has to do many things to blend into their environment - and to be accepted. Ainan had clearly found another way to be accepted: be like those around him, incorporate their expressions and actions into his repertoire - become, in some superficial sense, as they are.

On the one hand I feel like congratulating Ainan on his socially skillful manoeuvre. How can a child not accept another child that echoes himself? On the other hand, I feel saddened, for Ainan is sloughing off some of his own uniqueness in social situations, to become more like the people he is with and so allow him to be accepted. He is being less of himself in public.

There is another matter which concerns me. The expressions themselves fit another personality. One set of them fits a rather foolish personality - so it is really startling when Ainan uses these expressions - because they are those of a fool. Anyone who did not know Ainan, on seeing this, would seriously misjudge him. In those expressions, he has captured the essence of dullness. It is quite perturbing to see Ainan assume such a face. Yet, assume it he does, for social reasons.

Is Ainan consciously acting or unconsciously doing so? I would guess that it began as conscious imitation but has since become an unconscious pattern repertoire, which he deploys in what seems like a suitable situation.

Perhaps, if Ainan were away from that social context he would, over time, drop this new behaviour and become as he was. In many ways, I would prefer that - but I understand why he is doing this. It helps him be accepted - and he is successful at it, for he has many friends. Yet, it may be true to say that some of these friendships have come at a price - the price of altering his social self to fit those around him.

On balance, however, I feel happy that Ainan has the social skills and personality to allow him many friends. For many gifted children, in his position, are almost friendless. It seems that he knows how to behave to make others comfortable with him - and to get them to like him. I suppose that that is another kind of gift. Yet, it is disconcerting to see one of those social skills at work, sometimes.

Perhaps this is the way with all of us. We are different in different contexts. So, too, is it with Ainan - but it was a surprise for me to come to understand what was happening.

Fintan, mummy's personal coach

Yesterday, my wife Syahidah was in a hurry to get ready. Fintan was watching this, but had something on his mind, that he wanted his mother to attend to.

"Not now, Fintan, I have to hurry to see Daddy!" she said to him.

He took this well, setting aside his wishes, in a rather mature fashion. You have to remember that Fintan is a curly headed three year old and picture that in your mind.

He then said to his mother, in a comical choice of words: "You go girl!", as if he were the older one, and she his charge.

It was almost as if he was on the Opray Show, hearing such words on his lips. His vocabulary surprises me at times and the way he chooses to use it: it is whimsical and expresses a character all of his own. I think that is the department in which Fintan really shines - the social one. In some ways, that is one of the more useful attributes to have.

Fintanism: Fintan's means of expression

Fintan is a funny boy. He comes out with things which are stated from his own unique perspective in a way which is often funny or revealing, or both.

The other day, in a taxi, Ainan, seven, and Fintan, three, were having a squabble. In the course of the squabble Ainan hit Fintan on the head.

Fintan scolded him at once: "Don't! My brain is inside!"

It was the tone of voice and the intonation that made it funny. He said it in such a way that he seemed to be implying that his Abang (older brother) must have overlooked this important fact. Also present in his speech was the absolute importance of protecting his brain. It is the first time, in my life, I have heard a child use this anatomical reason in such a way. There is another sense in which his words were well chosen: they could be seen as an attempt to speak in a manner which Ainan would understand - giving a scientific reason for not hitting him - a type of reason which he knows Ainan would respond to. This is typical of Fintan's social gift - knowing how to relate to particular people.

I am happy that each of my children is so different from the others. Each bears a unique character, and behaves and speaks in a different way. In such a family, it is impossible to lose an essential excitement in being a parent: there is always something new to be seen or heard, everyday.

Have a great day, to all - and a great parenting day, to parental readers.

(If you would like to read more of Fintan or his gifted brothers, Ainan Celeste Cawley, seven years and two months, and Tiarnan, twelve months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, intelligence, IQ, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, baby genius, savant, the creatively gifted, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

Tiarnan's concern for his grandmother

Tiarnan is eleven months old. Yet, at times, he shows a sophisticated social understanding.

Yesterday, he saw his mother and grandmother talking at length. His grandmother was standing up. Seeing this, he approached her and took her hand, and said: "Dudok" which is Malay for "Sit down."

Two things were evident from this incident. Firstly, Tiarnan understood that his grandmother might be tired standing up - and was concerned for her. Secondly, he chose to use his grandmother's first language (which is not his own first tongue), knowing that she is more familiar with that, than with English, although she does speak English, too. As an act of social judgement, it showed quite a lot of finesse to expect from such a little boy.

With luck Tiarnan will grow into a socially sensitive young man - for he is already showing good signs. Carry on Tiarnan!