Will Smith on true friends.

I came across a great quote from Will Smith, the Hollywood actor/film star today. It went:

“If you were absent during my struggle, don’t expect to be present during my success.”

Brilliant.

If this is a real quote from Will Smith and not just a misattribution, my estimation of him has been increased by this pithy and oh-so-true remark. Everyone who has ever sought to achieve anything of real creative worth, must note this phenomenon, at some time or other. Especially when they actually create something worthy. All those people who were invisible, when you needed them, suddenly pop out, when you don’t. It is quite perturbing. There is a whole sub-species of Humanity who think that their fellow Man are so stupid, that they can be scarce, when their compatriots are struggling towards success, but suddenly be ever present when success comes at last. It is a particularly ugly behaviour.

Even a casual glance at the early lives of many geniuses, before they reached renown, reveals much private struggle, in which they strove to create their works, not infrequently against the indifference or unhelpfulness of those around them. I wonder at how those who stood by and did nothing to help, responded when the genius finally succeeded? Did they expect to be able to “cash in”, on the situation?

Will Smith’s wise words are worth bearing in mind, for anyone who is working towards a personal success of any significance. Observe the people around you. Note who is helpful and who is not. Note who is there for you, and who is never so. Never forget those who help you along the way – nor those who hinder you. When, finally, your success is yours. Note the responses of the very same people, good and bad: do they suddenly change? Do the once unhelpful or hindering types suddenly become profusely interested in you? If so, simply exercise your memory, and see them as they truly are.

Indeed, this is a particularly important matter for anyone who becomes rich, famous or both to bear in mind. Only those people who were supportive in your darker times, are worth your consideration when you begin to flourish. Those who were more noted by their absence, than their presence, should never be trusted, or given a moment’s attention – after all, they didn’t do so for you when you actually needed their help.

Fame and wealth make this situation particularly acute for their bearer. Many people are attracted to the famous or the wealthy, seeking favours of some kind from them, or even just the reflected glory of close association. Those people are easily sorted by the Will Smith Rule – above. The ones who were there, when you were “no-one”, are worth your attention, when you become “someone”. The converse is true for the others. When people you haven’t seen for twenty years suddenly start treating you as their best friend, it is time to start closing doors in faces...preferably ON faces.

From Will Smith’s remark, I read that he most likely experienced this too. It seems, however, that he saw through the sudden hangers-on. Good for him.

I would be interested in any anecdotes, from people’s lives, on any similar experience. Did personal success bring you a sudden avalanche of friends you never knew you had, sourced from among those who had become very practised at ignoring you, during your time of struggle? Stories below, please.

Posted by Valentine Cawley

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Short term greed, long term loss.

The past couple of days have been instructive. I have seen the same type of thinking on two separate occasions, from taxi drivers. It is a curious type of thinking because though both spoke in terms of planning for the future, they exhibited short term thinking as an over-riding priority.

Yesterday, I took a cab home. The driver was a smartly presented Indian man. He was also very talkative. I didn't mind this, so much, since I had been waiting a long time for a taxi. This is a common experience in parts of KL where cabs are more noted by their absence, than their presence. Like much of the transport infrastructure here, in this capital city, there just isn't enough of it to go around.

Anyway, this driver started complaining to me about how, in the last month, 37 of his "regulars" had been lost. He said it was because they were expats whose contracts were up, so they had to go home. He then went on to tell me a tale of how one regular client had gone overseas for a holiday and never returned. He had had a heart attack. In his tale, which seemed to place himself at the centre, somewhat, the wife went to all the trouble of calling him from America, to tell him that they wouldn't be back and so wouldn't be needing his services anymore.

He then went on to say how he wasn't like other drivers. He didn't normally do "pick ups"...but that he was usually booked, morning to night, by regular clients. They would ask him to do airport runs, or take them sight seeing - or even just drive them around, everywhere, for the day. He was quite the hero, the way he told it, quite the indispensable driver.

I just listened quietly.

Once we arrived home, he tore off the receipt and handed me the bill.

It was rather higher than I had expected.

"I didn't call you out, you know."

There was a two ringgit "on call" charge on the bill.

"Yes. That is for the luggage. We usually charge 2 ringgits for the luggage."

Indeed. Well, I didn't have any luggage - I had some shopping. Furthermore, taxis don't charge two ringgits for that anyway. However, this is a common ruse of taxi drivers, here. I have even had one driver who tried to charge 10 ringgits extra for opening the boot.

I said nothing. I just paid his phantom charge - but inwardly I thought the whole thing rather amusing. He had given me a huge spiel designed to impress me about what a desirable driver he was to have - about how many expats chose him, especially to drive them around - and there he was showing his true character, by adding on a fictitious charge. What an idiot. No wonder he is losing so many regulars. I have no doubt that many of those "37 regulars" have not gone home at all. They have just had the chance to compare his charging practices with that of other drivers and realized that he was overcharging them.

I thought his behaviour a perfect illustration of the tendency to sacrifice long term aims, to short term greed. It is rather common here, I think, having noted it, already, quite a few times. Rather than ensuring a regular customer, by behaving impeccably and offering a genuinely good service, such people would rather profit, in the moment, by a few extra ringgits. When you think about it, it is remarkably short-sighted behaviour. It could even be described as self-defeating and self-destructive.

He gave me his card and urged me to book him in future, should I need to travel around. He clearly thought he had fooled me: funny isn't it?

Today, I had another uncannily similar experience. This was also an Indian driver. This one older, and thinner, but equally well presented. He talked even faster than the first one. He too, made a pitch for long term business driving us sight-seeing, to the airport - or even "anywhere in the peninsula of Malaysia".

All the while, as he talked, I studied the meter. It was doing something very strange. It was going up in jumps of twenty cents, not ten. Not only that, but it was jumping up, EVERY FEW METRES. It wasn't behaving with the customary sedate pace of other taxi meters.

So, not only was the price per unit distance double normal, but the distance itself was clearly shorter than normal...several times shorter, by all appearances.

I treated the whole journey as a lesson in human nature. He babbled on, trying to impress me with the service he could offer - much as the other driver had. Meanwhile, I had the message of the meter to tell me the true nature of this talkative salesman. Again, it was almost funny...though a bit of an expensive joke, for such a short ride.

In the end, the journey, which was a short one, cost more than three times the usual price. Then, he too, added on a "toll".

"We didn't pass a toll.", I noted.

He changed tack.

"The luggage. That is for the luggage."

We didn't have any luggage...just shopping, again.

I said nothing, but paid him without the "toll" added.

He said: "That is OK."

Then he wrote his number on the back of the receipt, since I would clearly be in need of booking a driver who costs three times as much as anyone else.

What a funny world.

So, both drivers gave sales pitches, for long term, repeat business - and both blew it, by short-term greed shown by overcharging.

One detail I should add: at the beginning of the journey, the driver tapped the meter and said: "See this is on the meter...see?"

What he didn't say, is that he had a very special meter, unlike anyone else's. I wonder if he had tampered with it, himself?

Anyway, I have been watching drivers in KL, for a couple of months now. In that time, we have taken many cabs. I have, however, selected only three drivers, who showed spontaneous acts of honesty and good service. It is interesting how much such behaviour stands out from the likes of those above. The funny thing is, none of the drivers we selected made any sales pitch at all...they just exuded integrity and that was enough for me. The best sales pitch of all is a good character. KL's taxi drivers would do well to remember that.

Oh, and the first driver's number: HWC 4381. If you encounter him, expect rapid patter and imaginative charging practices. Good luck. (I don't have the second one's details: his hand written receipt had no identifying information).

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 6 and Tiarnan, 4, this month, please go to:
http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at: http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/
Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/
Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is at http://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)