The essence of fatherhood.

Today, The Star newspaper, of Malaysia, published an article they had commissioned from me, on fatherhood. In the article, I have tried to encapsulate our style of parenting in seven parenting principles. These principles form the basis of how we have raised our kids. They are also the principles which allowed our eldest child to develop into a child prodigy.

I am very curious as to what you think of the article. So, let me know what you like about it, below, if you will.

The article is to be found here:

http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2012/6/13/lifeliving/11458603&sec=lifeliving

Please share it with your own readers by linking to it from whatever sites you have. I hope that my parenting principles get to be read by many people. I would like to think they helped some people, particularly children. Thank you.

Posted by Valentine Cawley

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.html and here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here:http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks.

You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.) 

The role of a parent.

The role of a parent is to try to raise a child greater than the one they were, and to give that child a better childhood, than they had.

At least, that is what I aspire to do - though whether I succeed or not, I will leave for others to judge. After all, posterity will see more of the totality of my children's lives, than I am likely to.

I have written the thought, above, for a good reason. I have noted that some parents seem competitive with their children. These parents would never wish the child to grow to be greater than they are. Indeed, they do all they can to frustrate the child's ambitions, consciously or otherwise. To my mind, such "parents" don't know what it means to be a parent. A true parent aspires to nurture a person greater than themselves. The greatest success a parent can have is to be outshone, by one's children. In truth, of course, the parent is not eclipsed by the child's achievements, but revealed by them - for in them, lies evidence of the parents' ability to nurture the growth of another human being, to guide their offspring to greatness, of whatever kind.

A parent is not made greater, by being greater than their children. A parent is made greater, if their children are "greater" than they were, for, in so achieving, the parent has succeeded in creating a more nurturant life, for their offspring, than they must have had themselves. So, paradoxical as it might seem, the greatest success a parent can have is to raise children greater than themselves. Raising children is the ultimate act of creativity - one of infinite complexity and subtlety. To do that so well, that the child seems greater than the parent, is true greatness indeed.

Contrast this attitude and outlook, to those parents who seek to overshadow their children and thereby make themselves seem "greater". It is a more common attitude than might be supposed. Many a mother, with an attractive daughter, finds herself dressing to compete for attention, with her young offspring. It is a foolish way to feel. I am pleased that my children are better looking than I am. I do not feel lesser by comparison, but, in fact, feel enhanced that they are so attractive. Indeed, I am delighted by every manner in which they do things which I could not, or which differ, in some way, from the child I was, in an interesting fashion.

Perhaps it could be said that a sane parent delights in every accomplishment of their children - and that an insane one may resent them.

What those who are uncomfortable watching their children's talents grow, perhaps into areas in which their own never flourished, should imbibe is that the more brightly the child shines, the more light they throw upon their parents. A parent is never lessened, by the greatness of their child. In fact, the greatness of a parent, may be defined by the greatness of the child. The greatest parents of all, are those who manage, through their words, deeds and choices, to create children that others consider to surpass them. What the observers overlook, however, is that to create a being that surpasses oneself, is to show skill as a parent, that none may surpass.

I would like nothing more than to bring children into this world, who are better than me, in every way. Now, I don't know if this is possible, but at least, by trying to do so, I am aspiring to be the best parent, anyone can be. As a parting thought, it seems to me that, if all parents, tried to make children greater than themselves, that this world would, very soon, become a much better place than it is. Of course, it must not be forgotten, that this goal of generational advance, cannot be achieved by pushing the children. They must instead be encouraged, nurtured, guided, loved and most importantly, listened to. Nowhere, in this particular parenting recipe, is there any room for "pushing". That, in my view, is always going to fail.

Happy parenting all. May your children be greater than you are! I can think of no better blessing - nor one that could change the world, more, for the better.


(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.html
and here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175

To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here: http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks. You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at: http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is at http://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

How to live a long time: be a parent.

I am aware that the title above might surprise people. Parents are an exhausted breed, always running around after little ones so much more energetic than themselves. Surely, this takes a toll on one's health? Surely, parents live shorter lives than lifelong singletons?

Well, the surprising answer, for some, is no. Being a parent is good for you. In a paper, Fertility and Life Span - Late Children Enhance Female Longevity, authors, Hans-Georg Müller (a), Jeng-Min Chiou (c), James R. Carey (b) and Jane-Ling Wang (a) discussed their findings as to the correlations between fertility and life span.

(a Departments of Statistics, University of California, Davis
b Departments of Entomology, University of California, Davis
c Division of Biostatistics and Bioinformatics, National Health Research Institutes, Taipei, Taiwan)

They studied the life records of 1,635 French-Canadian women of the 17th and 18th centuries, paying particular heed to survival past the age of 50. Unexpectedly, they discovered that greater fertility meant greater postreproductive survival. In other words, the more kids you had, the older you got. This goes against the age old wisdom of women being worn out by incessant child birth - if anything it seems to show that women are sustained by the reproductive act.

They derived a mathematical relationship to determine the lifespan advantage. For every ten fold decrease in the age of your youngest child, at the age of 50, there is a 3.93 year longevity advantage. This is quite substantial. For instance, a 50 year old woman with a 2 year old child, is going to live 3.93 years longer than a similar 50 year old with a 20 year old child, typically.

Another paper further enlightens us as to what is happening. Does Having Children Extend Life Span? A Genealogical Study of Parity and Longevity in the Amish by Patrick F. McArdle, Toni I. Pollin, Jeffrey R. O'Connell, John D. Sorkin, Richa Agarwala, Alejandro A. Schäffer, Elizabeth A. Streeten, Terri M. King, Alan R. Shuldiner and Braxton D. Mitchell.

This paper studied 2015 Amish parents from 1749 to 1912 who survived to 50 years or more.

The correlation between number of children and longevity is striking - and it applies to both men and women. For men, each child fathered resulted in an average increase of 0.23 years of life, this was linear and applied to every child fathered. For mothers, there was an increase of 0.32 years per child up to 14. Beyond 14, there were health issues which negatively affected the life expectancy of the mother. Further analysis concluded that, for mothers, the key factor was the age of last child birth - this accounting for all the apparent benefit.

So, what are we to make of this? Many a bachelor or spinster, that I have encountered, has seemed quite pleased with themselves not to be "burdened" with children. They account themselves wise to have no such worries. They tend to believe that they will also live longer without the "stress" of parenthood. Yet, all is not as it seems. Parents live longer than those who never become so. The difference rises linearly with the number of children. Thus the more fertile you are, the longer you tend to live. (Or another way of putting it, the older you are, the more fertile you tend to have been.)

Having children gives you many joys that life does not otherwise offer. It also teaches you much more about life than being a bachelor or spinster ever could. To see a child grow up is the best education there is. It delights me to be able to write that being a parent is also a longevity indicator of sorts. So, not only do children fill your hours with unexpected joys - they give you more hours to fill, too.

It sounds like quite a bargain.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged eight years and four months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and nine months, and Tiarnan, twenty-six months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, wunderkind, wonderkind, genio, гений ребенок prodigy, genie, μεγαλοφυία θαύμα παιδιών, bambino, kind, niño, gênio criança, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)