Syahidah on motherhood.

Pithiness is a gift: the ability to capture something of life, in a simple phrase. My wife, Syahidah has a tendency to make pithy remarks. Quite often they are whimsical, too, but not always.

A couple of weeks ago, Syahidah was reflecting on motherhood.

She observed: “The best mummies in the world are guilty mummies – they always feel they don’t do enough.”

I was, struck, at once by two things: the motivational truth of this view – and the fact that, it seemed most clear, to me, that this statement would apply to Syahidah herself (even if she wouldn’t label herself in such a way).

Syahidah is a good mummy. One need only look at her kids for a while to realize this. I think her remark embodied her own motivations. There is, it seems, a guilt within her, driving her to do ever more and be an ever better mummy to her kids. Of course, the sad part about this, is that she most probably never allows herself to believe that she has done enough or done it “right”. She will always believe she could have done better or done more. Yet, I think, that is a more productive attitude, than self-satisfaction – even if it is not so easy on the heart.

Thank you, Syahidah for being the mummy you are to our sons.

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A Singaporean Shopping Trip.

A few days ago, Syahidah was shopping in Orchard Road with Tiarnan, two, and Fintan, five. As she did so, a characteristic moment occurred that illuminated their brotherly relationship.

They were in Toys R Us and Syahidah said to Fintan:

"We are going to look at Ben 10 stuff."

Fintan gasped, understanding something: "You mean Tiarnan’s toy for his birthday present?". He turned then, to his little brother Tiarnan: "Close your eyes."

Tiarnan was not entirely convinced: "But if I close my eyes I cannot see when I walk."

Fintan insisted: "You must close your eyes. You can hold my hand."

Tiarnan considered this briefly then agreed: "OK".

They walked, then, together, throughout the shop. Tiarnan's eyes were closed as requested, and he held onto Fintan, trusting his brother to guide him.

At one point, Fintan informed Tiarnan: "There are steps ahead." Tiarnan had his own idea about that. Syahidah thought that Tiarnan, at that moment, peeked from behind slitted eyes, just to be doubly sure.

She thought it very sweet to see them navigate the stairs and shop together, Fintan so careful with the safety of his little brother.

It is warming to see siblings so supportive of each other. I feel fortunate that the brothers get along so well together. There is, at least so far, none of the sibling rivalry that one hears so much about. There is no "jockeying for position", no competitiveness, no dislike of the others' achievements, successes or abilities. There is only this supportive togetherness in which each looks out for the others. It is an ideal situation and I hope it persists. I would not like to see it to decline into a situation of mutual rivalry and competitiveness. That would be such a pity considering how warm they are to each other, at this time.

Incidentally, Fintan was so good and so careful at guiding Tiarnan that he never bumped into anything and didn't even stub his toe. Well done Fintan.

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