The price of parental strictness.

Chinese parents are traditionally known for what would be regarded as “strict parenting”, in Western eyes. Indeed, some parents of Chinese origin have become famed for their regimented style of child rearing. Yet, there is a price to pay for strictness, a profound psychological price to pay.

Recently, two twelve year old Chinese girls, from Zhangzhou, in mainland China, Xiao Mei and Xiao Hua committed suicide in a bizarre pact. The girls left suicide notes in a cupboard which spoke of a desire to travel back in time to the Qing Dynasty (from 1644 to 1911) and seemed to indicate that they thought that death would achieve this, for them. The suicide pact came into being when one of the girls lost the key to her house and was afraid of being punished by her parents, for doing so. She decided to commit suicide, rather than face punishment. Her best friend heard about this, and couldn’t bear the thought of living on without her friend – so they both decided to kill themselves at the same time. They elected to do this, by jumping into a pond.

Now, what struck me about this tragedy was the reaction amongst the Chinese people. There has been an uproar blaming time travel TV shows for the suicides. They seem to believe that the children were somehow acting out, in imitation of such shows, in which people are propelled back into the past, when struck by lightning, or have a car crash. My personal thought on this is that the critics of the TV shows are seriously missing the point. These two girls did not die because they were imitating TV shows. They died, because they were TOO SCARED OF THEIR PARENTS. These girls were killed by strict Chinese style parenting. One of the girls was so frightened of her parents’ reaction to losing her house key, that she decided it would be better to die, than to face up to her parents. So, this tragedy is much darker than it appears. It is not about the delusions of two young girls, unable to distinguish reality from TV fictions...but it is about the psychological stresses they had been placed under by strict parents. Had their parents been more loving, more kind, more warm, more forgiving, more welcoming, I am certain that both these girls would still be alive today.

China should be re-examining the way it raises its children, in the light of this tragedy – not the nature of its TV shows. Children who felt loved and secure, with their parents, would not be so scared of them that they would prefer to die, than to face up to them, when something unfortunate had happened. These two girls were, basically, killed by their parents. Had their parents been less strict, they would be alive, today. It is that simple.

What makes this all the more tragic and puzzling is that China has a one child policy, so it is likely that these girls were the only children of their parents. If so, it seems even more tragic to me, that they should have been parented in such a strict manner, that they would rather die than face their parents’ wrath. Why did their parents need to be so strict, when they had but one lonely child to look after and raise? What would have been wrong with being warm, supportive, loving and flexible instead?

If a child fears their parents, then something is seriously wrong with the way those parents are raising the child. These children were in fear – and that fear led to their deaths.

From the reaction of the Chinese people and their misattribution of the problem to TV, I very much doubt whether the Chinese people will learn anything from this. However, there is a lesson here, for anyone who reads my blog: raise a child with love, not fear, for in love, they grow; in fear, they die, slowly, or quickly, but surely.

Posted by Valentine Cawley

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

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I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

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Arfa Karim Randhawa, child prodigy, dies.

Arfa Karim Randhawa, a Pakistani child prodigy known for being the world’s youngest Microsoft Certified Professional, has died aged just 16 years old. Without warning, on the 22^nd December, she suffered a severe epileptic fit and fell into a coma. On December 29^th, her doctors said there was no possibility of survival. They proved right. She died yesterday, despite showing seeming signs of improvement in the previous days.

Remarkably, perhaps, prayers were said for her by the Punjab Chief Minister Shahbaz Sharif and a number of other government officials commented on her demise, including the Prime Minister, Yousuf Raza Gilani. Her passing has occasioned a degree of national grieving, with public figures, such as the Muttahida Qaumi Movement chief, Altaf Hussain saying that Pakistan had lost a “precious talent”.

Arfa Karim Randhawa’s passing, before she could fulfil the life of promise that seems to have been hers, by birthright, is a harsh reminder of how fragile we all are and how suddenly life can come to an end, when we least expect it. Yet, there is also something of note about Arfa Karim’s passing: that anyone noticed or cared. I am sure that other 16 year olds in Pakistan were busy dying on Saturday, too...no doubt many did so – but the world simply neither cared nor noticed. It is Arfa Karim’s prodigiousness, her early show of talent, that brought her to the attention of Pakistan and the wider world. This explains an observation many have made: that child prodigies seem to die younger than other categories of exemplary people. I have often seen searches for this, arriving on my blog. Well, it is time, perhaps, to explain this seeming phenomenon. It is not what it appears. I don’t believe that child prodigies are fated to die young. It is just that when they do die young, people notice. I am sure that they die young no more frequently than any other type of person dies young. Being prodigious does not portend a short life. It portends the possibility of an unusually productive life, if the prodigy is given the right opportunities. Early death is not part of the seemingly Faustian pact. Arfa Karim Randhawa has died very young. We notice her death, because of her early achievement in computing. Had she lived an ordinary life, with ordinary achievements, no-one, but her family and friends, would have noticed her death. We would not then say that, “Non-prodigious children die young”. In just the same way, we cannot say: “Prodigious children die young”. They don’t. It is just that because of their early fame, they are noticed in a way that other early deaths are not. Of all categories of achievers, child prodigies come to notice earliest. Thus, the early deaths among them are noticed, which drags the average age of death down, for child prodigies. In other categories of achiever, early deaths mean they are not noticed or counted in for consideration: they are invisible, so they don’t bring the mean age at death, down.

Thus, although Arfa Karim Randhawa’s passing is very sad for those who knew her and, it seems, even for Pakistan, itself, it should not be seen as evidence that child prodigies die young. I am certain that they are, in truth, no more likely to die young, than is anyone else.

My condolences to Arfa Karim Randhawa’s family and friends. May she rest in peace.

Posted by Valentine Cawley

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.html and here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175

To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here:http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks.

You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

Amy Winehouse's Death: a Preventable Inevitability.

Amy Winehouse, 27, Is dead. No surprise there, I am afraid. Some deaths are more inevitable than others – particularly some early deaths.

Now, Amy Winehouse was famous for two attributes: her music and her addictions to drugs and alcohol. Indeed, it could be argued that she was more famous for her addictions than her music – since the former won her more tabloid newspaper coverage than the latter. She was always in the newspapers for things no-one would want to be in them for.

I can’t comment on her music, or its ultimate worth, since I didn’t really pay much attention to it. However, I can comment on her life and death: it seems overwhelmingly likely that she did not have to die so young. Her death, whilst an inevitable result of the lifestyle she led – was also preventable. There is a lesson here for all relatives of addicts: don’t stand by and watch – do something. Amy Winehouse would most probably be alive today, if others had been firmer with her on the matter of her addictions. Although the cause of death is not presently known, there are relatively few deaths, in the modern world, in 27 year olds, by natural causes. Given her drug addicted lifestyle, it seems most likely that her addictions contributed to her death – either directly, by overdose, or indirectly, through the health damage they caused.

If drug addicts (and that includes alchoholics) are not to die young, like Amy Winehouse, a certain lack of freedom should be imposed on them, until they are able to control themselves, with respect to their addictions. Amy Winehouse should have been monitored very closely, to ensure that she did not have access to any drugs or alchohol. I know it seems like such a regime would have denied her, her “rights”…but, really, who should have a “right”, to destroy themselves, by drugs? In such cases, it would be more humane, and ultimately less painful, to step in and directly prevent the addict from any access to the substances they would otherwise seek out. This may seem at odds with the belief that people should be allowed to live the lives they please – but, in the case of addicts, the lives they please will, most frequently, lead directly to early deaths. Thus, it seems reasonable to intervene, until such time as the addict is no longer an addict and, perhaps, has come to live their lives as if they value them.

It could be said, that drugs alone, didn’t kill Amy Winehouse, but a lack of love, by those closest to her. If they had truly loved her, they would have stepped in and made sure, beyond any doubt, that Amy Winehouse did not have access to any harmful drugs, legal or otherwise. That they did not, or were not effective in doing so, shows that they either did not love her enough, or did not understand the duties that come with that love. Sometimes, those who love another, feel they should indulge them and let them live the life they please. That is fine, only if the life desired, is not a self-destructive one. In all situations in which the loved one desires, consciously or otherwise, to destroy themselves, those who love have a duty to protect the life of the loved one, from harm. It does seem that that this was not done in this case. Amy Winehouse was famous for her inebriated, intoxicated, “shambolic” performances in the latter years of her life. So, clearly, she was not being denied access to drugs, legal or otherwise. Whatever “care” she was under, was not effective – or did not care to deny her what it should have done.

Amy Winehouse was a musician. This makes her loss more acute than a typical early death – for, in dying, whatever music she would have produced had she lived a normal life, will now never be. It is a pity, she was not protected from the most dangerous person in her life – herself.

Rest in peace, Amy.

Posted by Valentine Cawley.

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.htmland here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175

To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here:http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks.

You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

Heath Ledger: "Natural Causes" or Karoshi?

There is speculation on the internet that Heath Ledger, the actor, may have died from "natural causes". This is said because rumour has it that the toxicity level of the drugs in his system would have been insufficient to kill a man.

I don't know if this is true. The official autopsy report is not yet out. However, granting that it is so, then we have to look elsewhere. Some are saying that he just had a heart attack. This sometimes happens, even with young, non-obese people. Sometimes, people have an undiagnosed heart defect or disorder and the first thing they know about it, they are dead. This may be so. However, there is another explanation: karoshi.

Karoshi is a Japanese concept - it means "Death from overwork". Let us look at Heath Ledger's life in the last few months: he was filming non-stop; he was sleeping very little; he spoke of being "stressed out"; interviewers described him as "twitchy" and "on-edge". He was a man who clearly was pushing the limits way too much. It could just be that he is a victim of overwork - a death by karoshi.

Again, we come back to the realization that his fame killed him. Whether it be suicide, accidental overdose or overwork/karoshi, Heath Ledger's work as a film star is what killed him.

His case is a reminder that, no matter how "well" our careers are going, no matter how many "opportunities" are coming our way, no-one should ever set aside a reasonable degree of rest and peace and quiet for it. To do so, is to risk an early demise. Perhaps employers in general could learn a lesson from this example: don't push your staff too hard - if you value your employees isn't it better to push a little less hard and let them get enough rest, so that that employee is able to continue to contribute to the company long-term rather than burn-out/breakdown/drop dead?

Everyone should be allowed to rest - and not just rest in peace.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged eight years and one month, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and seven months, and Tiarnan, two years exactly, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)