The price of agelessness.

Everyone would like to be ageless – or so they might think to themselves. However, agelessness comes at a price.

Now, anyone who has ever viewed a photograph of my wife, Syahidah, cannot but be struck by how young she seems. Yet, she is much older than people think. The fact is, though, that she hasn’t aged since I met her: she got stuck in her late teens and seems essentially unchanged, since then. Fourteen years have passed, since we met but not one of those years appears on her face or body. It is as if she were a latter day Dorian Gray (though without the dissolute behaviour!)

Of course, this strange stasis leads to much confusion.

A few days ago, Syahidah took her three sons, Ainan, 11, Fintan, 8 and Tiarnan, 5, to the cinema to see the latest Transformers film, Dark of the Moon.

As she queued up to buy the tickets, Syahidah overheard an enthusiastic voice behind her –
“Look at her! Isn’t she a good sister, to be taking her brothers to the cinema!”

A quick look around revealed no-one else but Syahidah who could be described as a “sister” with her “brothers”.

Syahidah was too embarrassed for words, even though this kind of comment had been heard before.

She bought the tickets and took her “brothers” into the film.

It would be funny, were it not the source of much puzzlement on the part of others. You see, those fourteen years have seen me change, whilst Syahidah has stood still. So, now, the apparent age gap between us seems greater than it was, when we first met – yet, of course, it is the same, to the very day. What makes this situation more acute, is that it is Asians who judge Syahidah to be so young. How young would she seem to Caucasian eyes? No-one but myself and her immediate family know the truth: that Syahidah stopped any outward aging, in her late teens and looks the same now, as she did then. Yet, people who see her now, mentally subtract the age of her children, from her, now, and conclude that she must have looked much younger in the past: not so. She looked the same when I met her, as she does now. I can’t help but wonder what strange things people think, when they appraise her present appearance and make such age calculations. They have no idea how wrong they are.

Of course, I do wonder how long Syahidah will maintain this stasis of appearance. Her great grandfather was famous for not having aged much (relatively speaking, that is) – despite reaching 104. So, it seems, she takes after him. If this carries on, the day might come in thirty years time, when people think she is my granddaughter!

I am left to wonder how much our sons will inherit this curious attribute: are they going to be seemingly ageless, too? Will they look like spritely teenagers, well into their thirties? How odd it would be, for them, if this turns out to be so. We shall see.

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The downside of eternal youth.

There is a downside to eternal youth that is little spoken of: it does strange things to people's perceptions.

Today, Ainan, my wife, and I went to an educational fair. We were just exploring possibilities for Ainan for further tertiary education beyond Singapore Polytechnic. I shall discuss the visit more fully in another post. However, I wish to relate something funny which happened while we were there.

I was asking about University options, of one man and he looked past me to where I thought Ainan would be standing.

"Would that be for your daughter?", he asked.

Now, I thought, to myself, I know Ainan is handsome to the point of being pretty, but he was, after all dressed as a boy. Then something made me track his gaze and look where he was looking. There, in his line of sight, stood my wife.

All, at once, I felt very silly, in an uncomfortable way. This man thought my wife, to be my daughter.

"No. It is for him." I countered, pointing at my young son.

"For him?", now it was his turn to be non-plussed.

"Yes."

"How old is he?"

"Nine."

There was a silence while he contemplated this incredible number.

I then found myself having to explain Ainan's educational history to him.

That was not the only time, today, that my wife was referred to as my daughter. In fact, by the time we left, this assumption was getting to be a bit of a habit of the Professors, and other representatives of Universities. Each time, I found myself watching wonder cross their faces as first I pointed to my son, and then explained that my "daughter" was actually my wife.

Now, lest you begin to worry about my aged appearance, it is not me who looks old, but my wife who looks young. You see, the oddest thing about her is that she hasn't changed in the thirteen years I have known her. She looks as youthful as the day we met.

Many people would think of this agelessness as a wonderful thing - and, in a way, it is. However, there is a downside to eternal youth, if only visited on one partner, and not the other. As time passes, we seem to draw apart in age. I have "matured" and now no longer look as fresh as I once did - though most judge me younger than my years. My wife, on the other hand, hasn't changed at all, in all those years. Thus the apparent age gap between us has grown. Indeed, so much so, that only the other day, Syahidah was approached by a modelling agent who wanted to represent her, but was concerned that she might not be old enough to be represented! (She would have to have reached her "majority").

Time has passed for me, but has not for her, at least, it seems so, to the eye. She is, now, as I remember to her to have been, when we first met. The pity of it is, I am not. I am not, however, displeased with either the way I look, or the way she does. It is just that I see, now, incomprehension, in the eyes of others, as they see this "strange couple". It is funny how a simple matter like not changing can, over time, produce such puzzled reactions. After all, the true age gap between us remains unchanged. That gap is not great and is quite common. However, the apparent age gap is now what causes confusion.

It has occurred to me that if my wife's appearance continues to remain unchanged that the day will come when people refer to her as my "grand-daughter". Should that ever occur, I don't think I will bother to explain - for no-one would believe the truth: even now, they doubt it. But what can I do? I am actually telling them the truth!

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged eight years and seven months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, five years exactly, and Tiarnan, twenty-eight months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, wunderkind, wonderkind, genio, гений ребенок prodigy, genie, μεγαλοφυία θαύμα παιδιών, bambino, kind.

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Tiarnan and Sleeping Beauty

Tiarnan's grandmother on his mother's side is very young looking. Indeed, and quite comically, when she is out with her husband, many a person thinks that she is her husband's daughter. It would be indelicate of me to mention her actual age, but let it be said that she has four children and three grandchildren - a number which promises to grow - and two of her children are married off.

It is curious to watch the years pass and nothing much change about her. The same applies to my wife who hasn't aged, at all, since I met her, over ten years ago. She still looks like a teenager, though she hasn't been one for a decade (a fact which causes much consternation and embarrassment at times: but what can one do, if one's wife simply DOESN'T age?) Her mother shows the same characteristic, bringing equal misunderstanding upon her husband - who is in his late sixties!

Anyway, yesterday, this latter-day Sleeping Beauty, was in recline upon a sofa in her house, fast asleep, tired out from the exertions of her job, that day. Tiarnan was nearby watching her. He did so, in the midst of his play, in the arms of his mother for some good while. Finally, his grandmother stirred from her sleep and awoke. Tiarnan saw this and at once did something most comical: he applauded her, his hands clapping together in glee, his face all smiles. What a way to welcome his grandmother into the waking world. I wonder what he is thinking, that he should applaud his grandmother for waking up? Funny boy.