On accepting the testimony of others

Today, I came across an exchange on a forum in which one mother rather hesitantly shared her experience of her child beginning to talk aged 15 weeks, or so.

Regular readers of this blog will not be surprised at this. However, some participants in that forum were: a couple denounced the mother as basically imagining it. Some were brutally sarcastic. One even called it physically impossible. It was quite disturbing to read the tone with which their comments were written: with an almost religious zeal to them, that, in their world, no such thing could be possible.

Now, what I find interesting about all of this is how closed-minded many people are. They seem to be reasoning solely from their own experience of the world - and not allowing for the possibility that other people have other experiences, abilities and potentials. All of the doubters seem not to know what the possibilities are for the most gifted of humans: they seem to think that all humans are much the same, that there is no great disparity between them. Nothing could be less true, of course - there are immense differences between people and that is what gives the human race vitality.

Basically, the key argument used by those who poured scorn on the mother was that they had not spoken at such an age, their children had not spoken at such an age - and they knew no child who had - therefore your child couldn't have either. I find this a marvellous display of impoverished thought. They have taken a sample of humanity amounting to their handful of a social circle - and they have generalized, from that, the entire properties and possibilties of the human race. It would make me guffaw were it not so sad in the effect it has on others. By thinking so, they prevent the gifted few among them, from being accepted or acceptable.

There are children who have talked at only a few months old - or less, as with mine. My post on the First Words of a Child Prodigy has attracted tales of such experiences from all over the world. Some children have crawled and walked very early too. These things happen. It makes no sense to denounce the mothers and fathers of such children for simply talking about their experiences.

Let us put this situation into more concrete terms. Imagine that the news media did not cover athletics. Imagine that athletics was something that happened quietly, in other peoples' houses, where no-one could see it. This is, of course, exactly the situation with exceptional child development. It is not something that, generally speaking, is ever given a mention officially.

Now imagine further that someone wrote on a forum that their son could run a hundred metres in 9.76 seconds, from a standing start. Imagine that they confided it hesitantly, seeking support for this unusual situation. Imagine then that quite a few people denounced the parent, saying that they must be hallucinating...or worse. Imagine that they had reasoned, well, my son can only run a hundred metres in 16 seconds - and the fastest runner I have ever met can do it in 14...so you must be lying or deceiving yourself. Now, we all know, in the real world, that there are people who can run a 100 metres in less than 10 seconds. There are, in fact, quite a few of them, in the history of sport. So, someone who made such a statement would probably not be denounced. Indeed, you might feel indignant about it if someone was so denounced. You would probably rush to their defence with supportive anecdotes. Yet, the strange thing is that, in the world of early child development, there are remarkable things happening all over the world - yet, if people speak about them, many a voice will rise and denounce the parents with words to the effect: "That was not the way with my children, so it could not be the way with yours!"

Why, when it comes to the raising of children, are so many people so small-minded? Why can they not allow for the full range and diversity of humanity?

I would like to see a day when a first-time mother seeking help for her gifted child is not denounced for what she shares - but supported warmly by a world community that understands and would like to help.

Looking at the kinds of things that get written on boards across the world, I fear I may have rather a long time to wait.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged seven years and nine months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and two months, and Tiarnan, nineteen months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

Are you giftist?

I think that "giftist" is a new word I have coined. Why do I coin it and what does it mean?

Well, I have noticed two kinds of reactions to Ainan's achievement. There have been some very positive ones. Ainan has been cheered by his school; greeted in the street with smiles and cries of "Ainan!"; congratulated by almost everyone he has known...and then there is the other type.

There is the neighbour who used to speak to me, whenever he saw me, who now finds his eyes unable to meet mine - and who doesn't reply if spoken to.

There are a few anonymous people - they are always anonymous, aren't they - who write envy filled words, trying to diminish Ainan's achievement and disparage him for it.

It is these latter two types that I call "giftist". There is something in them that loathes those of gift. The strange thing is - and the really sad, sad thing - is that many of these "giftist" people are themselves gifted. The problem is, that they have something in them that doesn't wish to be challenged. No-one is allowed to be as "great" as they are. No-one is also allowed to be gifted. There is a "gifted community board" that is filled with this kind of nonsense. It is an American board and most of the commenters are from that nation - but the hate and envy that sometimes comes off them is shocking to see. They simply will not tolerate anyone of greater gift than themselves. They seek to bring down anyone who is truly gifted.

It is this kind of giftist individual who is most poisonous. They should know better. Their own experiences of intolerance towards them, by some of lesser gift, should have taught them to be more tolerant of those of greater gift - but it hasn't. Somehow, somewhere, they have learned hate and envy. These feelings have become their core - and they vent it at every opportunity.

Giftism should not be allowed. It diminishes the world and makes the path of gifted people a much more difficult one to tread. Yet, the oddest thing is that many of these giftist people are the gifted themselves...or those who appear to be gifted because they are on a gifted board.

I find that fact the most puzzling of all.

On being different in a conformist world

There are many things I could write about this topic, but today I will choose a single vignette which relates to the title. I may write other posts expanding this topic in future - indeed, I probably should.

We live in Singapore. In this city state, most people are Chinese - about 80 % roughly. About 14% are Malay and the rest are Indian with the merest sprinkling of Caucasian (rare enough so that in most circumstances I feel the odd one out). There are, of course, Eurasians, but not that many. My children come into this category.

Asians generally have straight black hair. Thus Singapore, being almost exclusively Asian, is dominated by an almost universal possession of straight black hair. This may seem like a minor matter, but visually, if you grew up in a culture with a more varied genetic heritage - such as London, where I did - you would find this uniformity strange. In my childhood, everyone seemed to have subtly different hair, across a wide range of possibilities. Here, in most cases, it is black and straight.

Fintan, three, however, is different. Being Eurasian, he has a mix of influences, and in his case, this mix has produced markedly curly hair. My hair has a slight wave. So does my wife's (unusually, for here). However, Fintan seems to have got a double dose of it - and has ended up distinctly curly.

How do the other children relate to this? Well, in one sense, not well. Fintan took to using a word about a year ago, that he had obviously heard at school. I didn't know what it referred to for a long time: but it seems it refers to his curly hair. He had clearly been called this. At first, he repeated the word, without any due gravity, but later it seemed to bother him. Curly hair is rather rare here and Fintan is probably the only child his school friends have encountered who has such hair. It might seem like a small matter - but it seems big in a country where everyone's hair looks the same - except Fintan's.

A month or two ago, I saw Fintan, after he had had a shower, patting his hair down. Clearly, once it is wet, the curly headedness abates until it is dry: it seems flat like everyone elses. I saw this and said: "Your hair is nice Fintan...it is different."

He shook his head.

"No. I don't want curly hair...I want to be handsome."

He is handsome, the poor boy. His mixed heritage has given him a rugged beauty few boys possess - and one day he will, no doubt, be a very handsome man.

I felt sad to see him so concerned about his hair. I cannot be with him, throughout his day, as he encounters people who have never seen such hair - but I can try to build up his view of himself so that he accepts his difference and, perhaps, one day, finds comfort in it.

Yet, each time he showers, he flattens his hair and is content with it for awhile - at least until it dries. Why can't people accept each other's differences instead of making an issue of them? Fintan wouldn't even be aware of his hair if other kids had not made it an issue. It is all quite sad.

(If you would like to read more of Fintan, three, or his gifted brothers, Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged seven years and three months, or Tiarnan, thirteen months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, baby genius, savant, the creatively gifted, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)