The cycle of life and death.

A few days ago, I told my two youngest sons about the cycle of life and death. Fintan, 8, listened intently, but didn’t really comment. Tiarnan, 6, however was most responsive.

“Everybody dies, someday...”, I began, looking at Tiarnan. He had made a remark, which I cannot now recall, which prompted me to introduce this subject.

His eyes fixed on me, somewhat intently.

“But, if you have children, Tiarnan, something of you will live on in them. Just like I will live on in you.”

That thought seemed a nice one, to him. He looked to his brother, for confirmation that he, too, thought well of it.

“You, Tiarnan, and you Fintan, are half Mummy and half Daddy...”

They both smiled at this thought.

“You have different halves of Mummy and Daddy, but you both have half of each of us. There are genes in every cell, that tell how to make you – they are like a recipe for making you. You have half of Mummy’s recipe and half of Daddy’s recipe. So, half of us lives on in each of you.”

They were a little awonder at this and shared that wonder with a glance to each other.

“When you grow up, you will have children too,” I said, my gaze encompassing both Tiarnan and Fintan. “And those children will have children too, when they grow up.”

Tiarnan then interrupted my explanation.

“Then they will die, but their children will live on and have children. Then they will die and their children will live on, and have children...and then...they will die and their children will live on and have children...and...”

Then he laughed, unexpectedly. It was a full laugh, a laugh that seemed to express an absurdity he sensed at the core of life. The whole cycle of life and death seemed ridiculous to my six year old son.

Suddenly he stopped.

“I am not going to get married.”, he said, determinedly.

“You will when you grow up.”

“No! I am not going to get married.”, he said more forcefully.

“Why not?”, I said, curious about my little son’s perspective on life.

“I am too shy.”, he confessed, softening.

“You will get less shy as you get older. I was shy as a young boy...but as I grew up, I became less shy, until I wasn’t shy anymore.”

He didn’t seem convinced. He even seemed to shrink in shyness at the thought of his own shyness.

“No. I won’t.”

“Yes, you will. Goodnight.”

I put them to bed and waited until they had fallen to sleep.

As I write of my son’s responses, I wonder, now, at why he said he wouldn’t get married...was it truly the shyness that would, he thought, block that...or was it a sense of the pointlessness of the cycle of life and death: did he think it too absurd to participate in? I wonder, because he seemed to be considering that absurdity when he suddenly stopped and said he wasn’t going to get married. Or perhaps, he had realized that if he didn’t get married, he wouldn’t be participating in that cycle of life and death in the fullest way. In either case, it was an interesting thought.

It is true though. Tiarnan is shy. However, he has many attributes which do best in someone who is not shy. So, he is full of contradictions – with a co-existence of positive attributes that require the absence of shyness, which is present, for full expression. I shall, of course, work on him overcoming his shyness. I shall write of one such attempt soon.

Posted by Valentine Cawley

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.html and here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here:http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks.

You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

The price of parental strictness.

Chinese parents are traditionally known for what would be regarded as “strict parenting”, in Western eyes. Indeed, some parents of Chinese origin have become famed for their regimented style of child rearing. Yet, there is a price to pay for strictness, a profound psychological price to pay.

Recently, two twelve year old Chinese girls, from Zhangzhou, in mainland China, Xiao Mei and Xiao Hua committed suicide in a bizarre pact. The girls left suicide notes in a cupboard which spoke of a desire to travel back in time to the Qing Dynasty (from 1644 to 1911) and seemed to indicate that they thought that death would achieve this, for them. The suicide pact came into being when one of the girls lost the key to her house and was afraid of being punished by her parents, for doing so. She decided to commit suicide, rather than face punishment. Her best friend heard about this, and couldn’t bear the thought of living on without her friend – so they both decided to kill themselves at the same time. They elected to do this, by jumping into a pond.

Now, what struck me about this tragedy was the reaction amongst the Chinese people. There has been an uproar blaming time travel TV shows for the suicides. They seem to believe that the children were somehow acting out, in imitation of such shows, in which people are propelled back into the past, when struck by lightning, or have a car crash. My personal thought on this is that the critics of the TV shows are seriously missing the point. These two girls did not die because they were imitating TV shows. They died, because they were TOO SCARED OF THEIR PARENTS. These girls were killed by strict Chinese style parenting. One of the girls was so frightened of her parents’ reaction to losing her house key, that she decided it would be better to die, than to face up to her parents. So, this tragedy is much darker than it appears. It is not about the delusions of two young girls, unable to distinguish reality from TV fictions...but it is about the psychological stresses they had been placed under by strict parents. Had their parents been more loving, more kind, more warm, more forgiving, more welcoming, I am certain that both these girls would still be alive today.

China should be re-examining the way it raises its children, in the light of this tragedy – not the nature of its TV shows. Children who felt loved and secure, with their parents, would not be so scared of them that they would prefer to die, than to face up to them, when something unfortunate had happened. These two girls were, basically, killed by their parents. Had their parents been less strict, they would be alive, today. It is that simple.

What makes this all the more tragic and puzzling is that China has a one child policy, so it is likely that these girls were the only children of their parents. If so, it seems even more tragic to me, that they should have been parented in such a strict manner, that they would rather die than face their parents’ wrath. Why did their parents need to be so strict, when they had but one lonely child to look after and raise? What would have been wrong with being warm, supportive, loving and flexible instead?

If a child fears their parents, then something is seriously wrong with the way those parents are raising the child. These children were in fear – and that fear led to their deaths.

From the reaction of the Chinese people and their misattribution of the problem to TV, I very much doubt whether the Chinese people will learn anything from this. However, there is a lesson here, for anyone who reads my blog: raise a child with love, not fear, for in love, they grow; in fear, they die, slowly, or quickly, but surely.

Posted by Valentine Cawley

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.html and here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here:http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks.

You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

A cat called Cow.

Until sometime last night, we had a cat called Cow. It was a black and white cat, with patches of each colour, like a cow. Hence, my kids chose that name for it. It was a young cat, perhaps 9 months old. She had an adorably sweet personality and was very warm and seemingly loving, nudging adults and children alike, as it to say hello. Of all her mother’s kittens, she was the one who liked to stay closest to her mother. This morning, my son, Fintan, 8, found her dead.

It was a bit of a shock to be told this news. You see, we have four young cats, who were dumped on our doorstep by their mother. Of all the four, Cow was by far the most charming. In fact, she was the only one that seemed to have its own true personality. The others were mainly just hungry and out for food the whole time. We had planned to give the other three away, and keep Cow. So it was unwelcome news to see Cow stretched out stiffly on the ground, upside down, with her chest exposed, as if arching in pain, her mouth open in a grimace of surprised agony.

Upon her chest, there was an oval wound, about an inch across. Something had put a hole in her chest, on the underside. Had she been bitten by an animal? Had she fallen on something sharp? It was all the more surprising to see her dead like this, since we had seen her alive only hours before.

The children stared at her unmoving body in silence, as we prepared to bury her. My wife’s father was here. He had dug a rectangular hole in the garden for Cow – a little grave. All the children stood around eyes fixed on Cow. They were unusually quiet. Cow didn’t look quite real anymore. She was completely stiff and looked like a stuffed toy – not an ex-cat, at all. The absence of life, made her look as if she had never been animate. She simply looked like an artist’s impression of a cat – and not a very convincing one at that. It is funny what death can do. It makes even the most living animal, look rather unreal. I was struck, then, by what had made Cow such an interesting cat. It was her personality – the way she moved, what she did, her seeming intentions and the general impression of warmth in her actions. All that was gone. Without her animating personality, Cow did not even look like Cow anymore. She looked like a cat shaped black and white object, with a pink hole in her chest.

We buried Cow, in silence and replaced the turf on top of her. The boys didn’t say anything. I don’t think they knew what to make of it all. This was their first direct acquaintance with death. I don’t think they have ever seen a dead mammal, or human, before. Cow had been their favourite cat. In all, I think they took it very well, though I could tell they were a bit shocked, since there had been no forewarning.

Last night, I had heard dogs barking, rather aggressively at about 3 am. Perhaps that was when Cow was attacked and died. Had the dogs come onto our property or had Cow wandered onto theirs? We shall never know. It was clear though that she had dragged herself back to her favourite spot in the garden and died near where we used to feed her. She had come home, for her final moments.

I was going to write about Cow a long time ago, because I thought her funny and endearing. I never expected the first time to write of her, would be of her early death. Reflecting on why she died, rather than any of her siblings, I think it may very well have been her colouration. The others were shades of brown and would be difficult to see at night. She was black and white and would have been easy to spot, at night. I think that which made her beautiful to look at, may also have cost her, her life.

My wife Syahidah reassured Fintan. “Cow has gone to Cow heaven to meet all the other “cows”.”

He smiled at that, finding it either a comforting or a funny thought. It wasn’t clear which.

Thank you, Cow, for being so sweet and making us all smile, at your warmth. My sons, in particular, will miss her, though my wife and I will too.

Posted by Valentine Cawley

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.html and here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175

To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here:http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks.

You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

Of Hell and the Afterlife.

A few days ago, Tiarnan asked an unexpected question, his face a wonder of utmost seriousness.

“Is there a planet called Hell?”, he enquired of his mother.

Before she could answer, mired as she was in surprise, since we had never spoken of Hell to him, he posed another question:

“Do people go there to burn after they die?”

Now, she felt she had to answer. “Hell is for bad people, when they die, Tiarnan. Are you bad?”

He shook his head slowly, perhaps contemplating the fate of bad people as he did so.
“No.”, reassured Syahidah, “You are a good boy – and if you stay a good boy you won’t be going to Hell.”

He seemed a little relieved to hear this and managed to relax.

It was time, then for us to reflect. Clearly, someone at his school had been talking about Hell to him: was it a teacher, or a fellow kindergartner? If it was his teacher, I do feel that this is a little too much religious intrusion into the classroom, since each child will come from a family of different beliefs or lack of beliefs. If it was a fellow kindergartner, I do wonder at why a fellow five year old’s head has been filled with such fears as burning in the fires of hell for eternity. I really think that little children should not be given such stuff of nightmares to dwell on. Perhaps it is a means to control the behaviour of a particular child – well, there are wiser ways, like simply talking to them, and reasoning with them.

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.html

and here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175

To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here: http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks. You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at: http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is at http://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

Death on the roads - a child's view

With the advent of the car, has come an unwelcome "side effect" - death on the roads. The car is one of the major killers of people in the world today. It is the no.1 cause of death among young people in many places of the world. Singapore, is no exception to this, it seems.

Fintan just turned four years old - and though that is a short time to walk this Earth, he has already seen more than enough road accidents to be aware of the phenomenon in a very direct way.

The other day, as I took him to the cinema, he told me something of his day.

He began, out of nowhere, his thought becoming his words without introduction: clearly this had been bothering him.

"The car didn't see the motorbike..." he began, very quietly for Fintan, and very seriously. "The car hit the motorbike." It was evident that he was seeing the scene again in his mind - and his face held none of his usual happiness. "His eyes pop out.", he told me, quietly, "His teeth pop out."

"Did he die?" I asked, just as quietly, understanding that this was a real event he was describing.

"Yes." he said, "because...", then his hand reached for his eyes, and showed them popping out. That, he reckoned, would be the cause of death of anyone.

He didn't say anything more about it - although he repeated the account to his mother, later. He had to talk about it. There was no doubt he understood the situation - both its cause and its result - but, in a way, I am saddened that one so young, should be so aware of death, having seen it with his own eyes. It is not the first traffic accident he has witnessed. The other involved the death of a policeman - but thankfully we were further from that one, than he was from this one and so he didn't get to see much detail - other than the policeman ceasing to move, after being struck.

I have seen many accidents in Singapore. I have even been in one - a mild one. I don't know how frequent accidents are, here, compared to other countries - but they seem rather common. On my road, alone, on which my home stands, I have witnessed a couple of fatal accidents, myself (including one different from the one Fintan saw, there) - and many other less serious ones. I even know where the accidents tend to occur, having a large enough sample to point to the danger spots. It does not make a father relaxed on the issue of road safety. Wherever there are cars, there will be accidents - many of them fatal - and sometimes that will include children. So, I am very careful with regards to the roads.

Early childhood is the only time in which most of us are not really aware of mortality. It seems a pity that this momentary illusion has already been shattered for Fintan, by repeated, direct, personal acquaintance with the sudden, violent (I consider a car accident violent) death of others. A childhood should be a sheltered time: but how to make it so, in the modern world?

That is a difficult question to which, perhaps, only a rural existence could be the answer. That is not presently an option, however - though maybe one day, we will live in such an environment. Meanwhile, watch your kids on those roads.

Take care.

(If you would like to read more of Fintan, four years and no months, or his gifted brothers, including Ainan Celeste Cawley, seven years and seven months, or Tiarnan, seventeen months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, the creatively gifted, gifted children and gifted adults in general. Thanks.)