The deepest wish for the future.

To have children, is to be a watcher of the future. To look on them, is to wonder what they might become, one day and to feel a duty to guide them or empower them , to be whatever they truly wish.

A couple of days ago, my wife Syahidah looked at me across the dining table.

“I hope our kids grow to be as patient as you.”, she began, her eyes looking deeply across the table and into the future, at the same time.

I was pleased to hear that implicit compliment.

“...and as tidy as me.”, she said, with a meaningful gaze.

I wasn’t so pleased to hear that implicit criticism!

I laughed though. “That is just like something Fintan might say.”

She smiled her agreement.

We see each other, in each other, every day, in ways little and large. Her remark had the comic structure of Fintan’s utterances – and no doubt, his had that structure, because of her. I felt the invisible bonds of like mindedness joining us, in that moment. We are each a part of the other, a partial reflection of each other. This is a fact of all families – but one too often not fully understood I feel. Every one of our children is a part of us, us a part of them. In their minds are thoughts we would recognize as like our own, feelings too, that we know so well.

I like this togetherness. It is what makes a family feel so different from any other random group of people known to each other. We are not just known to each other – we are like each other, fashioned from the very same cognitive and affective substance.

It is interesting to look at our children and see which elements of them come from my wife and which from myself. It is not difficult to see the jigsaw puzzle that they are, as a rearrangement of components within ourselves.

Considering her wish, I would say I have to agree. I hope they have my patience and her tidiness – the other way around just would not do at all!

One day, we will know. I look forward to that day and all the others, in which my children are becoming. It is a story of infinite richness, written before my eyes, daily. It is also a story I cannot, now, imagine, ever having missed.

Here’s to a patient and tidy future!

Posted by Valentine Cawley

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.html and here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175

To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here:http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks.

You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

On being there.

For a child, there is no greater gift than the parent simply being there.

On Saturday morning, I put aside my own commitments, to be there for my youngest son, Tiarnan, five. He had an end of year school concert, at which he would be dancing twice. Now, to be there for him, I had to ask to be relieved from an unavoidable commitment of my own. It wasn’t easy – and there were consequences – but I felt that I had no alternative. My wife, Syahidah, was otherwise committed for an event involving Ainan and Fintan – so that left only me, to attend to Tiarnan. So, I went with him, despite all the pressures to do otherwise.

Though I arrived well in time, it wasn’t in time enough. The entire auditorium was already full, leaving only a temporary chair at the back, behind every other row of seating. I sat on it and waited for it to begin.

I have written of this kind of event before. It involves young children from two to six, dressed up in fine clothes, dancing to music, as an ensemble. I have seen this before. No longer am I surprised to see little kids dressed like adults on a night out for a ballroom dance. No longer am I culture shocked at a such a strange sight – though I was the first time I saw it. This time, I noted some new things. For instance, the very young kids, of two or three, barely respond to the music at all, with only one or two attempting to “dance”. As the kids get older, they become noticeably more coordinated and able to engage with the music. At Tiarnan’s age, it was noticeable that most were not particularly good with choreography. Tiarnan stood out in this respect. When he danced, he did so with rhythm, vigour and a distinct grasp of the choreography. He was clearly the most co-ordinated on stage. I felt acutely touched as I watched him dance. He had been placed at the back of the dancers, though why this should be so, I wasn’t sure, since he was by far the best dancer, there. Perhaps that is precisely why: his teacher didn’t want him to show the others up.

I was unsure whether he saw me, at the back, but I waved nevertheless. He didn’t respond. I really hoped he would see me out here, and know I was watching.

For the second dance, at the end, he was, again, the most distinguished dancer on stage – and that included all the six year olds, who had joined them, for the grand finale. What was most pronounced is that his moves were to an inner clock – there was a rhythm and fluidity about them, moving from one movement to the next, that all the other youngsters lacked. To me, this shows that something in him, related to motor skills, is more developed than is typical of his age, or indeed, of those who are one year older than him, since he outshone them all. Given his mother’s proclivity for dance, I am not surprised by this, however. She has always been an uncanny dancer.

For me, the best moment of the whole event was at the end, when Tiarnan looked out over the audience, his head uptilted to stare at the back of the hall. Then he waved, in my direction. He had seen me. On his face, there was a contented smile. His daddy had been there for him. I waved back and he echoed my wave again.

I remember my own childhood and how important it was for me, that my parents should be there, to witness particular achievements. In a way, such times were a means to show them what I could do. They were a communication from son, to parent – a way of letting them see a bit more about me. Thus, that they should be there, could not have been more important. I learnt that from my own childhood. So, I always try to be there for my children, whenever they are doing something of note. I know that, although they might not say it, my presence is very important to them. They would be sad, if I could not make it.

Personally, I lost out by being at my son’s concert. Something which was meant for me, to do, went ahead without me, done by another, because they would not and could not wait for me to join them in the afternoon – which I did. Yet, I weigh my personal loss against my son’s gain and know that I could not have chosen otherwise. A child would not understand the parent’s need to be elsewhere to do something. My son would have felt ignored, had I not been there.

I asked Tiarnan: “Did you see me in the audience?”

He nodded, silently.

“Did you like that Daddy was there?”

He nodded, silently, again, though this time with the hint of a smile.

That was good enough for me. I made the right choice.

Posted by Valentine Cawley

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.html and here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175

To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here:http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks.

You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

A little old man.

Tiarnan is just five years old. Yet, at times, he seems like a little old man.

A couple of days ago, I was working, to a self-imposed deadline, on some project or other. It was night and my sons were waiting for me to put them to bed. The door to my “office” creaked open. In came my littlest boy: Tiarnan.

“We have waited SO long for you...”, he began, in an exasperated tone, his little face peering up at me with a certain degree of pique. Tiarnan, as you may know, is rather emotional and does “pique” rather well (and all other emotional states, for that matter). It is almost as if his emotions have been concentrated, in his small frame, by having such a small space to exist in. He is like one of those cunning little chillis, that look so small and unassuming but which have the capacity to burn through your mouth in an instant.

I looked down at him, not answering for the time being, my thoughts still on my project.

“Would you do that to your friend?”, he enquired, his eyebrows raised. “No!”, he answered, for me. “So don’t do it to us!”, he scolded at last.

His words seemed so out of place, on his diminutive tongue, supported by his modest, elfin frame. It was as if an old man had possessed him and given him the attitude and demeanour of a peeved 80 year old.

His words impressed me out of my chair. I rose, took his hand and led him to his room. Then, I read my sons a few stories and settled them down to sleep.

As I left them asleep, I couldn’t help but wonder at the social maturity of my youngest son. He clearly understood social norms of behaviour very well and knew how a person should normally conduct himself. The wonder of it was, how he had come to such an understanding, with so little time in the world, to do so. Was this an instinctual thing with him? Or was he able to derive social rules, quickly, on little information? Or was he just projecting himself into the world and judging the actions of others based on what he, himself, would do? There was no telling which it was. I knew only this: my littlest boy was not such a little boy inside his head. There is an understanding, in him, beyond his years, for many things, particularly about people and how they are or should be. It is strange to say it, but this premature wisdom gives him a great charm – for his words and observations seem so unaccountably out of place, that they draw attention to themselves. To hear something said by such a little person is, oddly, to give it great weight. We heed most, what we least expect to hear.

Tiarnan’s words did prompt me to reflect on my own actions. I hadn’t kept him waiting for long – perhaps fifteen minutes – which doesn’t seem long to me – but to him, it was far too long.

Maybe he is right. Perhaps I should attend to them, first, and set aside whatever else it is I am doing. In their world, brief times seem very long indeed.

Sorry Tiarnan. Next time, you won’t have to wait for Daddy.

Posted by Valentine Cawley

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.html and here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175

To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here:http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks.

You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.).

Should Art challenge the viewer?

Recently, someone had an unexpected reaction to Syahidah’s art. A well to do Irish lady and her husband had the chance to see some of my wife’s work (which is now displayed at home). After they had viewed the works, we sought their reactions.

“Oh, they are nice.”, began the Irish woman, “but I wouldn’t have them in my house.”, she concluded, oddly.

“Why is that?”, I prodded, gently, muting my reaction and keeping my true thoughts from my face and tongue, lest they persuade her to disguise her own.

“Well, my children might not understand them – and I couldn’t risk that.” The prospect seemed to appall her.

Since her children are teenagers, to twenties, I thought this most peculiar.

I didn’t probe further, in general, but directed her attention towards one particular piece, which had two monumental faces facing each other.

“Oh no! I couldn’t bring that into the house.”, she looked somewhat disgusted. “They look like they are about to kiss. If my daughter (Ed: 15 years old), saw that, she would go “yewwh!””

I thought this response most enlightening about the psyche of my interlocutor. You see, the heads in the drawing were NOT about to kiss. They were near each other, yes – but, if anything they were just engaged in conversation. There was no kiss involved. In fact, both heads were men, too, which, in most circumstances, would have worked against her interpretation.

Further discussion with her, uncovered the obvious fact, that, for her, sexual interpretations were to be found in most of the drawings, even though, in reality, they were very mild, in that area. It seemed that it was her own perceptions, that were to blame, here. She was overly sensitive to the possibility of sexual interpretations of images, which, of course, suggested an undue preoccupation with or fear of such subject matter. Furthermore, her reactions were divided into two types: labeling some works, as sexual, when they weren’t really – or labeling works as “difficult” and therefore, “unsuitable for children” – because they “wouldn’t understand them”.

I found this all rather puzzling. To my perceptions they are all interesting works of art, many with a story, all with a point of view that reveals something about the subjects. None of them are “unsuitable for children” – indeed, our own children enjoy them, even Tiarnan, who is just five years old.

Is this Irishwoman right, do you think? Is it wrong to challenge children, with something beyond their immediate understanding?

My own view on the matter is that children should always be challenged. It is not right, I think, just to present them with whatever is readily understood without effort. When a child is challenged, the child has an opportunity to learn, to see something new. I believe that by being fearful of challenging her children with that which might puzzle them, this Irish lady is stifling the growth of her children: were they to see my wife’s works, part of their perceptions and understanding of the world and its possibilities would have a chance to expand.

I made no comment about the Irish woman’s outlook, at the time – but, to me, her parenting stance, on the issue, seemed remarkable and prompted me to reflect on it, subsequently, on several occasions. What do you think of her stance on not challenging her children with art beyond their immediate understanding? Is she right? Am I wrong?

Let me know your thoughts below please.

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.htmland here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175

To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here:http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks.

You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

Syahidah communicates with children.

Syahidah, my wife, has an interesting way with children. Somehow, she just knows what to say, to connect with them, in their world. In short, she “speaks their language”.

Yesterday, Tiarnan, five, hadn’t quite finished up his dinner. Perhaps he was full – or perhaps he was distracted. (He is the type to find his imagination more interesting, than what is happening in his immediate surroundings, at times).

Syahidah looked down at her smallest son and said, seriously:

“Eat up your carrots.”

Tiarnan listened, but only because it was his mummy speaking.

“Carrots are good for your eyes.”, she continued, “That is why you don’t see rabbits wearing spectacles.”

I laughed explosively on hearing this. Tiarnan didn't. He maintained a serious demeanour. It was clear that he considered this a fair point, having two rabbits in the house and neither sporting a pair of spectacles.

He ate his carrots.

I thought this a wonderful example of how Syahidah always knows just what to say, to a child, to get them to understand her point. In a way, this is a gift, a communicative gift – and one that is not that common, unfortunately, among adults, or even parents. With most people, we grow too far from our own childhoods, to readily connect to those in theirs. Not so with Syahidah: for her, childhood is very close to the surface and readily reachable. She remembers it well and so can relate to children in a way few can. I think my sons are lucky to have her as their mummy – and I am lucky to have her as my wife!

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.htmland here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175

To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here:http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks.

You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

A child's imagination: can it be too much?

Can a child have too much imagination?

This was a question posed as a statement, "child too much imagination", by a searcher who arrived on my blog, recently. I found the outlook that would lead to the search somewhat unsettling. For what kind of parent would think that their child had "too much" imagination? (This assumes it was a parent - it could have been a teacher, of course.) Let us rephrase the question in another way to get a better understanding of it. How does a child benefit from having LESS imagination? Is it better to be unable to see new things in the old? Is it better to be unable to conceive of a new idea? Is it better to be unable to play with that which is not there, physically but only exists in the mind? Is it better to be without the basic capacity to create?

In some way, the searcher believed all these things. In viewing their child as "too imaginative" they were proposing the opposite standpoint as superior - that of the unimaginative child who cannot conceive of the new, who cannot think of that which is not, who cannot, in truth, take the first step towards creating something by imagining.

I would say that a child can never have too much imagination - but I would say that a parent (or a teacher) could have too little.

It is sad to think how that child might be brought up. The instinct to create, to play, to imagine, might be met with great unwelcome - thought of by the parents as somehow a silly thing to do. If the child is at all socially sensitive, they will pick up on this and learn to avoid imaginative play. In time, the capacity to imagine will wither - and that child will become as the parent is: unimaginative, afraid to create, unable to play - and perhaps even disapproving of the imagination. A potentially creative being would have been snuffed out by an incomprehending, unwelcoming parent.

If a child wishes to play in a world all of their own, let them: the capacity to create such a world is the foundation of many adult pursuits of great inherent value - writing, art, science, acting and music are all products of an adult engaged in imaginative play. An adult could not pursue any of these disciplines had they not been free as children to play with their imaginations, exercising them until they become reliable allies in reforming the world, at will.

It might very well be true to say that all geniuses start life as imaginative children. The least they should expect from the world is a parent who allows them the freedom to be imaginative: without that license so much may very well be lost from the world.

So, no matter how "imaginative" a child is, it can never be "too much". To say so, is similar to saying that a child is "too intelligent". Neither statement is ever true. It is impossible to be "too gifted" - no matter what the gift is - for every level of gift has its value - and the greater the gift, the greater its potential value. There is never a point at which a human gift or human quality becomes "too much". To think otherwise is to see value in shackling a human spirit - and that really is "too much".