Eden Wormer: when bullying should be a crime.

Eden Wormer, 14, committed suicide on Wednesday, after being relentlessly bullied for two years, at Cascade Middle School, in Vancouver, Washington.

From her photos, in the article I saw, in the Daily Mail, in the UK, Eden seems like a bright girl – at least her eyes tell such a tale. Those who knew her referred to her as “talented”. She was also evidently quite good looking. I am led to wonder if it was these attributes that led to her being bullied: the fact that she was most probably brighter than the others, and better looking than some of them. It is said she struggled to “fit in”, trying by changes of personal styling, hair colour and the like, to do so. So, it is clear that she was “different”. She paid a high price for her difference. She was bullied mercilessly by her fellow students – until she could take it no more. Her final words to her father were, “I love you Daddy, goodnight”...followed by a goodnight kiss. She was found dead in the morning.

Now, what gave me pause about all of this, was a statement from the Vancouver police. “We haven’t found any evidence that the bullying rose to the level of a crime.” Really? How much evidence do you need...the girl is DEAD! The stupidity of the police statement really gives credence to their image as donut eating dopes. Eden Wormer felt that the bullying was of such an unbearable intensity that she preferred not to continue living...her own action, in killing herself, is irrefutable proof that the bullying was of a criminal level. I realize that the world’s police forces typically do not attract the brightest people, but even they should understand that the effects of bullying are subjective – they are determined by what is felt by the victim. In this case, the victim was persecuted to death. Her death is proof that a crime took place, in my view.

The Vancouver police have seemingly indicated that they are not going to do anything about this death. Well, they should. Every one of Eden Wormer’s bullies should be arrested and charged with murder – for that is what they have committed. They murdered Eden Wormer and their weapon was psychological abuse. They abused her to death, abused her so much that she could not take it anymore and fled life, to death, to escape it. They murdered her as assuredly as if they had shot her. So, they should face the same penalty as murderers in her nation. I also believe that they should be charged as adults, since anyone, even a teenager, can understand that bullying is hurtful – after all, that is its intent and purpose, so, of course, they understood that they were hurting Eden Wormer.

I did some background research on this story by entering the terms “bullying and suicide” into Google. I was disturbed at the vast number of bullying related suicides that came up as news items...some of them from kids as young as 10 years old. Yet, it is clear that very little is done to stop bullying. Bullying was rampant at my school, King’s College School, Wimbledon – both of the physical and the psychological kind. I personally experienced one or the other (usually the latter) on most days of my entire school career in the senior school there. The culture was truly awful...one of bullying the brightest or those who stood out in some way. It was mindless, cruel and malevolent – and ever persistent...it just went on and on, on a daily basis, grinding away at one’s core. Somehow, I endured it...but it wasn’t fun being the brunt of so much hostility. So, I can fully understand what Eden Wormer went through. I fought back in various ways and adopted an outward persona that was so intimidating, in its own way, that it made many of my bullies back off...it worked. I created a barrier for myself, that kept away much of the bullying...a psychological barrier of my own – one in which it became less likely that anyone would challenge me. Yet, of course, though the physical bullying was snuffed out by this, mostly, the psychological bullying remained – the sneers, the whispered words, the social exclusion, and so on...that was unstoppable...but at least I found my own way to close down the physical aspect of the bullying. Eden Wormer, it is clear, found no way to deal with what she was going through. She found no means to protect herself. So, in the end, she felt she had no choice but to kill herself.

Schools, in general, the world over, seem to do little to address bullying. They seem to see it as an accepted part of the child’s world and don’t intervene too much. Yet, bullying is highly destructive. It can make childhood hell for its victims. King’s College School, Wimbledon, was hell for me, for much of my time there...but I endured it, because I had a very strong sense of myself. I understood that those who disliked me, did so out of jealousy for what I had shown I was able to do. Intelligence was not a characteristic that made one popular at my school. Indeed, it seemed to be a liability, particularly if combined with enough creativity to make one “different”. That always courted a venomous response. I remember one other boy, who was physically and psychologically different – though I shan’t name him to spare him embarrassment. He was laughed at, on many occasions...the other boys (it was a boys’ school), would just jeer at him, when he opened his mouth, when he expressed his view, when he simply talked. Partly this was because his speech was odd, in sound – but in general I think it was because he was different. He seemed to ignore it all – but really, it must have been hell for him, to have such almost universal disdain directed at him, on a daily basis. The one thing that seemed to protect him, was that he believed he was smarter than other people. I thought this a little misplaced, at times, though. He once said to me, when I asked him about a physics question: “Oh, you wouldn’t understand.”. That was funny because in S level physics, I received a grade 1 Distinction – and he ended up with a grade 2 Merit...so perhaps he was the one who wouldn’t have understood! Nevertheless, though he was not quite right in his view of superiority, it was good that he had this belief to protect him – for no-one ever intervened on his behalf.

It is time for bullying to be treated as a crime. If a victim commits suicide owing to the bullying, then the bullies should be arrested and charged with murder – for their psychological and perhaps physical abuse, had killed someone. Ethically, and legally, bullying should be regarded as an attack with a psychological weapon, where no physical attack is involved. It should be recognized that psychological abuse, on a persistent long term basis, can destroy a person’s will to live. In short, bullying can kill. It should, therefore, be treated in the same way as all other intentional behaviours that lead to the death of another. It should be treated as murder. Were bullying punished in this way, by those sentences appropriate to murder, whenever it results in a death, bullying would rapidly decline, in all nations that implemented such punishments. If the bullies understood that they could spend a very long time in prison, or in some severe cases, perhaps, receive the death penalty themselves, they would not be so keen to bully others. The world’s bullies must be led to understand that they place themselves at personal risk of very severe punishments, whenever they bully anyone else. There are simply too many deaths related to bullying, for the world’s societies to stand idly by. Punish bullies for their very real crimes. Stop bullying now – and save the next “Eden Wormer” from suicide.

Posted by Valentine Cawley

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.html and here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here:http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks.

You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

Unconscious confirmation.

Sometimes people reveal truths they are unconscious of, by the way they speak. It is not the words they say, that betrays them, but the other information hidden in tone and pitch and facial expression.

Just over a week ago, I was at a conference, in Malaysia. One of the speakers was from Australia. She was a slightly withered looking lady, with prematurely graying hair, who emanated a sense that disapproval came easily to her.

In a way, I thought her rather bizarre. You see, she was on the platform as a speaker on behalf of gifted education. However, her deepest feelings on the matter were not, exactly, consonant with her job description.

She was asked a question, by Zuhairah Ali, President of the NAGCM (NATIONAL ASSOCIATION FOR GIFTED CHILDREN, MALAYSIA).

“What do you think of child prodigies in the media?”, Zuhairah enquired.

“I don’t think much of parents who move countries for the education of their children.”, she replied, with an expression somewhere betwixt distaste and annoyance.

Oddly, she didn’t answer the question, but seemed to be answering another.

“That,”, she continued, stabbing at the word, “Is going too far.” Disapproval shone from her, like a very black light.

“There was one case,” she began, seeming to get more worked up as she thought about the case, “In Australia, of the parents of a sports prodigy – a 16 year old gymnast – who actually moved to New Zealand, because, they said, the Australian team wasn’t being friendly to her and the Kiwis were much nicer.”

I might have laughed, had this been a personal conversation. Her tone was so unfriendly, as she spoke of the emigrant gymnast, that it was almost beautiful to see how much she was confirming the correctness of their decision. There was such scorn in her face, that I can only say how pleased I was that the family had taken the decision to emigrate.

It was worrying, however, to see someone ostensibly working in gifted education with so little personal insight into the issues the gifted face, or the decisions families are led to take for the sake of their children’s futures. She saw the commitment to the children, that that Australian gymnast’s family showed, to be evidence of some kind of dysfunction: she couldn’t see it for what it is – parental love seeking to remove all obstacles in the way of their child. I have no doubt that if the parents are saying they moved countries because the Australian team was unfriendly to their child, then I am pretty sure that they must have been truly awful in their behaviour towards her. Now, which parent would stand by and do nothing in the face of such ill-treatment? Any good parent would seek to remove their child from the source of distress, either by quenching the torment, or changing the surroundings: they chose the latter, perhaps since it was likely to be their only option.

Any family that changes countries for their children’s future and present education, is showing a commitment to the child that many families do not have. Such commitment is to be admired and understood – not scoffed at, in a rather unfriendly fashion.

I deliberated whether to confront her with our own story – that we, too, had moved countries for our children. However, I decided not to, for I wanted my day to be a relaxed one, unriven by argument. She seemed too shriveled to be fun to talk to anyway – it would probably be a dispiriting experience I would be better off without. On the other hand, I doubt whether my conversation, which would have sought to enlighten her as to why parents do such things, would have any effect. Her very face, seemed stuck in an air of disapproval, so it seemed that she had practiced that emotion a little too often. My words would be unlikely to transform her.

I let her alone. However, she did give me the perfect memory of an Australian scoffing at the idea that Australians could be unfriendly enough to chase someone out of the country – delivered in a most unfriendly fashion, that quite convinced one that they could so be.

I hope the emigrant gymnast is happy with the New Zealand team. I further hope that all families who move countries for the sake of their children, find success.

We hope to, too.

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.htmland here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175

To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here:http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks.

You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

Fintan and the bully.

Fintan has recently started a new school. He is enjoying it and is making lots of friends. However, not everyone wants to be his friend. A couple of days ago, he told us a little tale of life at school.

"Daddy...today a bully came up to me and kicked me in the leg, for no reason."

I found the way he told of the incident very informative. He seemed genuinely puzzled that anyone, that he had never harmed, should wish to harm him. He had not encountered this kind of behaviour before.

"How did you respond?", I enquired, gently, hoping for one particular answer.

"I pushed him down to the ground.", he said, his gaze falling inward, to remember the moment.

"That's good.", I approved, for it was the kind of answer that I had hoped for.

So, Fintan, at six, has encountered his first bully - and, I think, bested him. You see Fintan did what the research on the effects of bullying says a child should do: fight back. It is the biggest mistake in the world, to tell a child to "turn the other cheek". You see if a child lets the bully get away with bullying, that child will never learn to assert themselves, to stand up for themselves, to face difficulties - they will always be hiding from them, and running from them. Fintan did the right thing - even if, I am sure, he did it in his own mild, slightly puzzled way.

Interestingly, the research I read recently says that children who fight back, when faced with bullying grow up to be much more socially competent than children who just hold in their response, and simmer away in resentment at the way they are being treated. The child who fights back, is much the more emotionally mature child. No doubt, there are other benefits, too. Perhaps next time that particular bully thinks of having a go at Fintan, he will pause and reflect that, the first time he tried it, didn't work out too well - and then pass on, and leave Fintan in peace.

So, my advice to Fintan, and any other kid who is bullied is simple: meet every hostility, with one of your own. In time, those who are trying to bully you, will just back off and leave you alone - and go off to pick on easier targets.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 6 and Tiarnan, 4, this month, please go to:
http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at: http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/
Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/
Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is at http://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)