The essence of fatherhood.

Today, The Star newspaper, of Malaysia, published an article they had commissioned from me, on fatherhood. In the article, I have tried to encapsulate our style of parenting in seven parenting principles. These principles form the basis of how we have raised our kids. They are also the principles which allowed our eldest child to develop into a child prodigy.

I am very curious as to what you think of the article. So, let me know what you like about it, below, if you will.

The article is to be found here:

http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2012/6/13/lifeliving/11458603&sec=lifeliving

Please share it with your own readers by linking to it from whatever sites you have. I hope that my parenting principles get to be read by many people. I would like to think they helped some people, particularly children. Thank you.

Posted by Valentine Cawley

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.html and here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here:http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks.

You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.) 

The unexpected rewards of fatherhood.

Fatherhood comes with many rewards and, it must be said, responsibilities. Curiously, and unexpectedly, in some ways, it also seems to come with a biological reward: better health. A very large study of 138,000 men by the AARP, concluded that men who had fathered children, were 17% less likely to die of cardiovascular disease than men who had never done so.

Rather unflatteringly, researchers compared this health effect, to the benefits of owning a dog. Both share in common a simple mechanism: caring for another. It seems that having someone to care about may bring blessings, other than the immediate rewards that come with expressing such care.

The research did not express any conclusions on whether this effect depended on the number of children in anyway, but was expressed in terms of childless or not childless.

Of course, this effect may be no more than another effect altogether: the ill health that might cause a man to be infertile. So, what we might be seeing here, might not be a positive effect of fatherhood, at all, but a negative effect of the inability to father a child. Either way, it does suggest that, in this narrow respect, fathers are healthier than non-fathers. I find it interesting, for it does suggest some kind of positive selection process for better health in the reproductive system itself. Perhaps evolution hasn’t come to as much of a halt, as many people seem to believe (in truth it is, if anything, faster than before, due to new selection processes at work...not all of them beneficial).

Anyway, this research cheered me a little. As the father of three sons, perhaps they bring me another kind of reward, other than the obvious ones inherent in parenting. If so, thank you to my Three Musketeers! (and to my wife for providing them.)

Posted by Valentine Cawley

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.html and here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175

To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here:http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks.

You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

Where has fatherhood gone?

How much time do you think the average father spends with his children? Give it some thought? It is four hours a day? One hour? Ten minutes?

Well, I was surprised to read of a recent study in America which showed that the typical American father spends just 37 seconds a day with his children. That's right, not even one minute per day.

What effect does this have on the growing child? A typical family in America has an absent father, perhaps a hard-working father. They don't have a father who is available and in touch with their children. In such families, the children grow up without really getting to know their father -and vice-versa. No-one knows anyone. It is, in effect not a family at all.

Is it not time that working lives were arranged to spend more time with one's family? Would it not be better if an average father spent hours per day with their children, instead of seconds?

I think the price of materialism is too high. The seeking after material prizes leads to long working hours in stressful jobs and little time left for the children. Perhaps it is time to seek immaterial rewards - perhaps the simple but profound rewards of seeing one's children smile, laughing with them, or just hearing them talk about the world.

I, for one, am glad that my time with my children is rather more extensive than a typical case.

I will endeavour to ensure that it is always the case.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged eight years and seven months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, five years exactly, and Tiarnan, twenty-eight months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, wunderkind, wonderkind, genio, гений ребенок prodigy, genie, μεγαλοφυία θαύμα παιδιών, bambino, kind.

We are the founders of Genghis Can, a copywriting, editing and proofreading agency, that handles all kinds of work, including technical and scientific material. If you need such services, or know someone who does, please go to: http://www.genghiscan.com/ Thanks.)

The toddler and the baby

How do toddlers see little babies? Tiarnan's reaction gives some insight.

On the 27th July, Tiarnan was visiting some friends with us. There was a newborn baby in the house (it was for a baby shower). Tiarnan was very taken by this baby. He peered into the cot, looking down on the resting baby.

He looked up at his mother, then and asked if Tiarnan could hold the baby. His mother picked up the baby, gently in answer and brought her over to the bed.

"Sit down." she said to Tiarnan, as she pointed at the edge of the bed. He did so. Then she placed the baby in his outstretched arms, continuing to hold it, herself.

Tiarnan wrapped his arms around the baby very carefully. There was a tenderness in him that was sweet to witness. He looked so pleased just to hold the baby in his arms. He looked down at her, with fascination in his eyes. It was almost, in a way, like witnessing a father holding his baby, such reverence was in his face. It seems that Tiarnan is a good daddy in the making!

It was interesting to note the care with which he approached the baby. Everything he did around her was gentle and careful in the extreme. His movements were slow and careful and he was careful not to squeeze her more than necessary to hold onto her. It was clear that he understood how delicate such a young baby is. It was endearing to watch him take care of her so - for, in our eyes, he is not, of course, much older himself, at just two. Yet, there he was, the Littlest "Daddy" in the world - or so it seemed in an emotional sense, with the sense of caring that he clearly embodied.

I look forward to the day that I am a grandfather and Tiarnan is a daddy. I fully expect to recognize his attitude towards his children from these early moments of Tiarnan the toddler, with a newborn baby.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged eight years and seven months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, five years exactly, and Tiarnan, twenty-eight months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, wunderkind, wonderkind, genio, гений ребенок prodigy, genie, μεγαλοφυία θαύμα παιδιών, bambino, kind.

We are the founders of Genghis Can, a copywriting, editing and proofreading agency, that handles all kinds of work, including technical and scientific material. If you need such services, or know someone who does, please go to: http://www.genghiscan.com/ Thanks.)

The secret happiness of fatherhood.

A few days ago, I took Tiarnan, twenty-seven months, out. He decided that he wasn't going to walk, but that he would take his bicycle instead. It is a rather small bicycle, with wheels a few inches across. It has to be small - because he is.

I watched him astride his little transport machine, his feet on either side, pushing him along, in his own individual way and I felt something very strange. I felt warm all over. There was an inner glow of a diffuse kind of happiness, as I watched my youngest son try to master the bicycle. It was quite a surprise, in its own way, to feel so, for this happiness seemed to come from nowhere. All I was doing was watching my son play - yet it made me feel very happy to do so.

He was very intent on the ground ahead of him, carefully looking where he was guiding his little bike. He was particularly taken by "hills" and used these to propel himself at greater speed, taking his feet off the ground, to let the bicycle roll - though never so long as to really pick up speed: he would stamp his feet down so as to brake a little, before it got out of hand. He loved it.

He didn't know it, but I think I enjoyed it more than he did.

Fatherhood is inexplicable: it has the power to make the ordinary very special indeed. It lends pleasure to the everyday and makes life a whole lot more interesting. At least, it does, if you pay attention to it, while its happening. To another, I would just have seemed like a man walking behind a boy on a bike - but to me, it was a whole lot more. Perhaps it is, to you, too, in your own life.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged eight years and five months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and ten months, and Tiarnan, twenty-seven months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, wunderkind, wonderkind, genio, гений ребенок prodigy, genie, μεγαλοφυία θαύμα παιδιών, bambino, kind, niño, gênio criança, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

How to live a long time: be a parent.

I am aware that the title above might surprise people. Parents are an exhausted breed, always running around after little ones so much more energetic than themselves. Surely, this takes a toll on one's health? Surely, parents live shorter lives than lifelong singletons?

Well, the surprising answer, for some, is no. Being a parent is good for you. In a paper, Fertility and Life Span - Late Children Enhance Female Longevity, authors, Hans-Georg Müller (a), Jeng-Min Chiou (c), James R. Carey (b) and Jane-Ling Wang (a) discussed their findings as to the correlations between fertility and life span.

(a Departments of Statistics, University of California, Davis
b Departments of Entomology, University of California, Davis
c Division of Biostatistics and Bioinformatics, National Health Research Institutes, Taipei, Taiwan)

They studied the life records of 1,635 French-Canadian women of the 17th and 18th centuries, paying particular heed to survival past the age of 50. Unexpectedly, they discovered that greater fertility meant greater postreproductive survival. In other words, the more kids you had, the older you got. This goes against the age old wisdom of women being worn out by incessant child birth - if anything it seems to show that women are sustained by the reproductive act.

They derived a mathematical relationship to determine the lifespan advantage. For every ten fold decrease in the age of your youngest child, at the age of 50, there is a 3.93 year longevity advantage. This is quite substantial. For instance, a 50 year old woman with a 2 year old child, is going to live 3.93 years longer than a similar 50 year old with a 20 year old child, typically.

Another paper further enlightens us as to what is happening. Does Having Children Extend Life Span? A Genealogical Study of Parity and Longevity in the Amish by Patrick F. McArdle, Toni I. Pollin, Jeffrey R. O'Connell, John D. Sorkin, Richa Agarwala, Alejandro A. Schäffer, Elizabeth A. Streeten, Terri M. King, Alan R. Shuldiner and Braxton D. Mitchell.

This paper studied 2015 Amish parents from 1749 to 1912 who survived to 50 years or more.

The correlation between number of children and longevity is striking - and it applies to both men and women. For men, each child fathered resulted in an average increase of 0.23 years of life, this was linear and applied to every child fathered. For mothers, there was an increase of 0.32 years per child up to 14. Beyond 14, there were health issues which negatively affected the life expectancy of the mother. Further analysis concluded that, for mothers, the key factor was the age of last child birth - this accounting for all the apparent benefit.

So, what are we to make of this? Many a bachelor or spinster, that I have encountered, has seemed quite pleased with themselves not to be "burdened" with children. They account themselves wise to have no such worries. They tend to believe that they will also live longer without the "stress" of parenthood. Yet, all is not as it seems. Parents live longer than those who never become so. The difference rises linearly with the number of children. Thus the more fertile you are, the longer you tend to live. (Or another way of putting it, the older you are, the more fertile you tend to have been.)

Having children gives you many joys that life does not otherwise offer. It also teaches you much more about life than being a bachelor or spinster ever could. To see a child grow up is the best education there is. It delights me to be able to write that being a parent is also a longevity indicator of sorts. So, not only do children fill your hours with unexpected joys - they give you more hours to fill, too.

It sounds like quite a bargain.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged eight years and four months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and nine months, and Tiarnan, twenty-six months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, wunderkind, wonderkind, genio, гений ребенок prodigy, genie, μεγαλοφυία θαύμα παιδιών, bambino, kind, niño, gênio criança, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

Simplicity, Beauty and Fatherhood

Today, I shared an unexpected moment with my toddler son, Tiarnan, 23 months.

I was watching Terminator 3, on the television, when he wandered into the room. It was nearing the end of the film. The combat between the "baddie" and Arnold Schwarzenegger's Terminator was in progress. He looked at this with some amazement. He didn't say what he thought, but something he did spoke most clearly of his feelings. His little right hand reached out to me and curled about two of my fingers (of course his hand is not big enough to curl about my entire hand). He has never done this before, in quite that way.

He stood there, eyes wide, taking in what must have seemed miraculous: a "man" who was a machine, protecting two humans. From his expression it was clear that he found it astonishing.

As Schwarzenegger's Terminator sacrificed its "life" for the humans his hand tightened on my fingers. There was a tension in him, as he witnessed this noble act.

Then it was soon over.

He didn't say anything, but he let go of my hand, the need for that companionate presence having passed.

There was a sweetness to the moment that perhaps I have failed to convey. His silent presence, hand on mine, as he watched what must have seemed a little scarey touched me. It was his way of saying: "with Daddy here, I can watch this without fear". When the moment had passed, on TV, there was no need for contact anymore, no need for protection and he quietly released my hand.

I felt, then, what a comfort I am to him. There was no need for words, or outward assurance: just my touch was enough to reassure him.

As for me, I felt what it means to be "Daddy". What a good feeling it is.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged eight years and no months, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and five months, and Tiarnan, twenty-two months, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

On being a father of three

Sigmund Freud came from a large family, with many siblings, as I understand it. He was also, in most eyes, "gifted". How did his parents cope with the demands of so many children, so many conflicting needs? Well, from one perspective, they didn't. They made the conscious decision to focus their attentions on young Sigmund, rather than the others - for they felt that he showed the greatest promise. We will never know what would have happened had they chosen to be more even in their handling of their children - but we do know what happened as a result of their decision: psychoanalysis was born and Sigmund Freud, grew up to be a Great Man.

I am the father of a young boy of seven, showing prodigious gift in science. However, I am also the father of two other sons, each of their own character and gifts. Being a father of three presents me with a smaller scale version of the Freuds' dilemma: how to raise my children? Do I focus my efforts on the one who shows so much promise...or foster the nascent gifts of the others, too, in an even handed way. The Freuds made their choice - and for Sigmund, it was a beneficial one - but at what cost to his siblings: what would they have been with a more even approach to their nurture?

I have observed that many gifted children are only children: their parents focus their attention on them solely, without the need for division of their attention. For the gifted child, this can only enhance their chances of making the best of their gifts. Perhaps, from the point of view of intellectual development, that is the best situation. Yet, a parent of several children cannot give that exclusive focus unless they are, to a degree, cold of heart. All my children are deserving of my fullest attention - yet, by definition full attention can only be bestowed on one person at a time. I observe in each of my children, some special character that deserves a father's fullest regard - yet, they pull me in three directions. So what do I do? I have chosen the even path - and give to each what I can each day. Perhaps if Ainan was my son alone, his mind would be that bit more nourished, his gifts that bit more polished - but I cannot help but feel that I would not give up any of my sons for such a thing. Ainan is one of three, today, perhaps more, another day. To each child I give what I can of my time, my effort - and do not think that any other way would be fair or loving.

Those who have but one child, gifted or not, do not have to make that choice, that division of attention between children. When a second child comes along they will understand this quandary that has no solution - for to be fair in attention, is to sacrifice some degree of the development of the "brightest" child. That cannot be helped, however, if one loves all one's children for themselves.

I will have more children, if I am fortunate, and as my attention becomes ever more divided between them, I will not for a moment doubt my choice. I would rather another child, than a situation in which I had but one to focus on. The house would be more the quieter, but it is not a quietness I would choose. Better the hubbub of many little voices: it is a sound which brings its own happiness - and one that I am quite content to know.

(If you would like to read of Ainan Celeste Cawley, seven years and one month, a scientific child prodigy, and his gifted brothers, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html I also write of child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, the creatively gifted, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks).