The elasticity of time and space.

It is a little known fact, that Malaysian taxis are, in fact, time machines. They are able to stretch and compress time and space, at will. All you have to do, to show this, is to book a cab...and then very strange journeys become possible.

The other day, I had the chance to test the time travelling properties of a Malaysian taxi. We made the same journey between the same two end points, in two different taxis, in two different circumstances. The results could not have been more different. On the outward journey, the meter was running. This journey took a LONG time. The total cost for the journey was 11 Ringgits.

Now, here is the interesting part. On the way back, I had to use a "government controlled" pre-paid taxi service. This is a curiously Malaysian inconvenience in which one has to pay for the taxi in advance. The most inconvenient part about this is that, invariably, the fares are much higher than they should be. Somewhere along the line I see "government tax" written all over this service. I was charged 14 Ringgits 50 cents for my pre-paid ticket. Now, imagine my surprise when the return journey took about ONE THIRD of the time of the outward bound journey. When the driver was not working on the meter, but was working for a prepaid amount, he took the shortest route back. That route happened to be three times shorter than the outward journey. However, note it was more expensive than the longer route, owing to the price gouging of the government controlled taxi service.

So, the lesson here is that, often, a Malaysian driver will only take the optimal route if he is on a fixed sum for the journey. If the journey is on a meter he will invent the longest route possible. We "enjoyed" one fine example of this phenomenon once, when we took a cab to a new place we had never been to before. The journey distance was about 17 and a half kilometres. We thought it rather far but had no idea how far it should be - so we duly paid the driver. On our way back, we had a different cab driver. Guess what the journey distance was? Just over four kilometres. We were appalled to see by how much we had been conned.

Malaysia is a beautiful country - but it suffers from poor transport infrastructure. One of the poorest aspects of that infrastructure, is the presence of dishonest drivers. There are just too many drivers willing to take a foreigner, like me, on a scenic tour of KL every time we want to pop down the road. Mind you, this is not a uniquely Malaysian problem since I was sometimes cheated in this way, in Singapore, too. Yet, not all drivers are dishonest. It is because of the honest ones that I get the chance to make route comparisons and come to realize when I have been conned...though usually too late to do anything about it.

So, if you are visiting Malaysia, just remember this: the cab you get into might just be a time machine, and the journey length could be anything up to four or five times the correct length. The best bet is to have checked a map first, so that you know where to go and how long it should take. Then make it clear to the driver that you know what's what: only then can you be sure of not being cheated in a Malaysian taxi. Happy travelling!