Dreams of yesteryear.
Last night, I had the strangest dream. It was the kind of dream that lingered into the waking state.
Indeed, as I lay, between sleep and waking, I thought I heard my parents, downstairs: it was as if I could half-hear them, in distant conversation. Then I awoke, fully, and the sensation faded.
Yet, for a moment, it seemed as if I was back in my parental home, in my former bedroom, listening to the world, from my vantage on the top floor. It was uncanny. It was also most meaningful. It told me, in the way the unconscious is wont to tell us, that, perhaps, it is time to go home. I really should visit my parents, soon. I have been living in far flung places, too long, it seems. So, a visit, at least, is in order.
Many years have passed since I left for Singapore, in 1999. Barring a couple of years’ break, I have lived in South-East Asia, ever since. I have learnt new perspectives on the world and come to understand things I would not otherwise have done. Yet, there has been an “opportunity cost” of doing so. I have foregone all the time I could have spent with my family in Europe. I have missed many opportunities for conversation and sharing. I have lost out on many events that others witnessed, but I did not.
What, perhaps, is not so readily realized by most, is that the life we choose, comes at an infinite cost. To choose one life, is to give up the infinite variety of other lives that we could have lived instead. Thus, all lives come at infinite cost and infinite sacrifice. This morning, before the world awoke, I lay abed and felt an echo of that sacrifice: I felt the world I had left behind, impinge on my present. I felt, once more, what it was like to be home, as it was, when I was younger. It was a comforting visitation from yesteryear. I fell asleep, again, thereafter, to dream dreams of impossible places and worlds that will never be realized. Yet, I had felt a “dream” of a world that was once very real to me. I slept very well.
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Labels: childhood memories, dreaming state, dreams of yesteryear, home, hypnagogic state, my parents, nostalgia, waking, wistfulness
