It puzzles me how often the parents of gifted children are assailed with the accusation of being "pushy" parents. I marvel at the essential incomprehension of the gifted situation this reveals. To be brief, it is impossible to push a child to exceed their limits and achieve something that is not in them.
A gifted child is not pushed into being a gifted child. It is an innate condition, as inherent as the colour of their eyes. It is absurd to accuse the parents of somehow creating this situation by being demanding. Yet, so often, the parents of gifted children hear this assumption wielded in their general direction.
There is a failure to understand the need for intrinsic - and not extrinsic - motivation when it comes to a gifted child, particularly a prodigious one. It is absolutely impossible, in my opinion, to create a prodigious child from one who is not naturally given to be so. The mental qualities of such a child are either in the child or not. One particular quality that must be present, if anything worthwhile is to be achieved, is that of
intrinsic motivation. By this, I mean that the child must be motivated, of their own accord, to seek understanding of the subject matter of their interest. The drive to learn must come from the child. I see no real possibility of a prodigious child coming out of an extrinsic learning situation, in which the motivation to learn comes from external factors. So, I think it impossible that a parent (the extrinsic factor) could ever drive a child to become prodigious. The child must already be becoming prodigious of their own accord, driven by their own intrinsic motivations and founded on their own inherent abilities.
It is clear that those who accuse the parents of prodigies of being pushy, actually know nothing about prodigies. If they did, they would understand that it is the child, in such a situation, who does the driving.
Ainan often bugs me to do something with him. It is not what you might imagine. It is not bugging me to get him a toy, or play a game with him. He bugs me to get me to sit down with him and teach him science. He nags me to provide him with scientific stimulation. Anyone who had ever witnessed this, would, at once, have a rather different view of the origin of prodigies and gifted children, than is commonly - and wrongly - supposed. The secret of a child's gift, is in the child themselves. Their gift emerges from their own innate nature. It is not imposed on them from without. They are not a "
tabula rasa". They have certain gifts and predispositions at birth and these are fostered by the child themselves, if they are truly destined to become something special. The parent can only provide what the child makes clear, by their actions, nature and requests, that they need. The rest, largely, is up to the child themselves. They must have the ability within them, to
excel, but they must also have the drive to do so. It must be something that they really want for themselves. It cannot be imposed on them from without.
Thus, the model many people have in their minds of a gifted child moulded by "pushy parents" into becoming something that they otherwise would never have been is utter nonsense. It is, in fact, an impossibility. If the child is not intrinsically motivated to tread the path that has been chosen, there is no way on earth that they are going to be able to do so. Extrinsic motivations are never going to be strong enough to create the kind of child we come to know as a prodigy. Nor, I would suggest, are they strong enough to engender a gifted child of any kind. There is a reason why a child is called "gifted" - and that is because it is as if a special quality has been bestowed on them, at conception. They are in possession of a gift. It is not something that can be imposed from without, by force of will. It is there, or it is not. The child has received a gift, at conception, or they have not.
Rather than continuing to misunderstand the parents of gifted children, society would do better to enquire what those parents need for their children, to give them what they most require, to take them where they should go and become what they should be.
All parents have a great responsibility to the future of our society. I would suggest that the parents of gifted children have a greater responsibility given the potential of their charges. It seems a pity to assail them with misunderstandings instead of trying to help them do the best they can to ensure that the potential of their children, becomes something actual - for the betterment of the child, and of society as a whole.
So, the next time you hear someone speak of pushy parents, remember my words and explain to them that, without intrinsic motivation, a child could never achieve anything worthwhile at all. So, if the child has achieved something, it is because it is in them to do so. It wasn't put there, from without.
(If you would like to learn more of
Ainan Celeste
Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged eight years and seven months, or his gifted brothers,
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Labels: Ainan, extrinsic motivation, intrinsic motivation, The secrets of success