The relativity of ability.

As long term readers will know, Ainan has an unusual perspective on himself, one that, perhaps, others would not agree with.

A week or two ago, I remarked to Ainan:

“Your ability has been growing in recent months...” I spoke softly and without any undue emphasis.

“No it hasn’t!”, he said most firmly. “I am not getting any better, it is just that the tasks are getting easier.”

I didn’t wish to argue with him, so I maintained my silence. I had seen versions of this attitude and belief before in Ainan. He refuses to believe that his intellect is growing. He sees himself as ever the same. If he gets better at a variety of task, he blames the task for somehow getting easier, rather than acknowledge that he is getting better, or growing in any way.

I know why Ainan believes this. It is a defence in him, against the notion that he is in any way unusual. Ainan wishes to preserve the belief – which he holds – that his way of being is the norm – anything that deviates from him, is not. For Ainan, the intellectual standard, for “ordinary”, for a 12 year old, is his own level. That is how he wishes to see the world and his place in it. Thus, the idea that he might be growing or developing noticeably, threatens that stable world view – so he rejects it. For him, it is the tasks which change, not him.

This puts me in a dilemma. Should I try to get him to see his true place in the world, in relation to others – or should I leave him be, to preserve his illusion of “everdayness”, which he so wants to preserve? For now, I have left him with his view that it is the world that is getting easier to deal with, than that, he is growing more capable in doing so. I will have to deliberate though, in future, whether this is the right thing to do, in the long term.

This year I have seen an efflorescence of Ainan’s mind. He has taken to music, taught himself the piano, overnight, it seemed, and is now composing music. He plays it most days, quite beautifully. He is also growing as a writer and a mathematician. His mind seems to be expanding again, with a marked velocity. Yet, Ainan does not wish to see it. For him, all is static within – it is the world which changes without.

I have left him to his worldview and did not stress him by taking an opposite stance. I will just have to enjoy his mental renaissance, in silence, savouring it for myself without any overt remarks to draw attention to it. 

Whether Ainan likes it or not, he is growing – and it is enough for me to observe this. I don’t need to convince Ainan of it.

Grow on, Ainan! Or should I say: shrink world!

Posted by Valentine Cawley

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