Power Balance and the dumb world of the 21st Century.

It is a good time to be an idiot, for one will never be without company in this dumbest of all worlds. Indeed, there is a new way to identify one’s fellow idiot. All you have to do is to look for a “Power Balance” bracelet on their arms. If they are wearing one, they are a definite idiot.

For those who have never heard of Power Balance or its bracelets, I shall explain. Power Balance launched a curious little product in 2007. It consisted of a silicone bracelet (a cheap material), with a hologram embedded in it (ie. a picture with some “3 d” properties), that, Power Balance claimed, “interacted with the body’s natural energy flow”. They further went on to claim that this totally inert, useless object, with no medical or technological properties at all, would boost the body’s “balance, strength and flexibility”. Exactly how an image was supposed to do this was not made clear. It should be noted, here, that there is no scientific means by which a hologram is going to be able to do any of the things claimed. It is just not possible. It is no more likely to turn you into a sporting superman than a photo of some random object. Furthermore, it is not clear whether “the body’s natural energy flow” has any real meaning, in the first place. Certainly, the “interaction”, of an inert image, with a meaningless “concept” is not going to do you any good, at all.

Oh, by the way, these bracelets retail for the astounding price of 29.95 USD. That to me, is an indicator of the level of intelligence of those who buy them: that they would pay so much, for so little, for, in fact, nothing at all. This price is actually quite useful since it allows us to gauge how many true idiots there are in the world. Sales of this product, or should I say “product”, were 35 million USD, in 2010, a steep rise from the 8,000 USD sold in 2007. Thus, Power Balance helped identify, for all the world to see, 35 million/29.95 = 1,168,614 total idiots, last year.

Now, I realize that my language is a bit strong, here. However, I feel that it should be. This is the 21st century. Basic science education is universal in the schools of the developed world (and most of the developing world). It should not be possible, in this era, to gull so many people, with a product that, plainly has no scientific basis at all. People should not be so gullible, when everyone receives basic science instruction. Yet, they are. This can only mean that they were not bright enough to absorb the basic lessons of their basic science classes. So, in fact, my strong language is not strong at all: it is a fair description of the mental calibre of anyone who actually falls for this, let us call it what it is, total scam.

It is very telling to consider the roll call of some of those who have been seen wearing these Power Balance bracelets. Seeing the names, prompted me to reevaluate my impression of some of them – and confirm my view of others. I will leave you to decide which category is which, for me. Famous wearers include Shaquile O’Neal, who is, apparently, utterly convinced of their magical properties, Robert de Niro and Gerard Butler. Clearly, whatever skill they might show in their respective crafts, these stars are not showing a high level of intelligence here, in falling for this particular ruse.

Just in case you are a believer in this magical product, I would like you to consider the admission Power Balance made, in recent discussions with Australian authorities who were concerned about the product: “We admit that there is no credible scientific evidence that supports our claims.”

There. That should be enough to kill that particular con. However, given the state of the world, I rather think that it won’t. It is more than likely that sales of Power Balance’s magical little holographic silicone bracelets will continue to rise. After all, they have only sold them to about a million idiots, in the last year. There are a lot more where they came from.

Indeed, on consideration, I would like to thank Power Balance for the public service they are doing, in labelling the world’s idiots, with such a readily identifiable mark, to save the rest of us the time needed to identify the idiots concerned through actual conversation. With the advent of Power Balance bracelets, one can now begin conversations at the appropriate level for the Power Balance bracelet wearer, thus sparing oneself those awkward conversational hiatuses that come when one has misjudged the level of company present and actually said something remotely challenging. Or, indeed, if you are a salesperson or anyone in business, you might choose to devote extra special attention to them. After all, they have proven that they will buy just about anything. Thus, it can be seen that Power Balance has completely failed to understand its own product. It is not a placebo effect masquerading as advanced technology at all. No. It is actually a social innovation designed to help people talk to one another at an appropriate level – and to smooth the course of business by marking out the most vulnerable customers. Pure genius.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 4, this month, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

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