A culture of perfectionism.

A few days ago, Fintan, seven, came home from school looking a little disconsolate. I thought I knew what might be up.

"How did you do in your maths exam?"

Yes. He had had ANOTHER maths exam: they just love to test the kids, in his school.

"OKAAAAY.", he said, with a mournful expression. Clearly, it had not been at all, "OK".

"What did you get?", I asked, softly.

"99%", he said, sadly, as if the world had just come to an end.

"99?", I asked, surprised to hear such a good mark, in such a sad voice. "That is good, Fintan. I would have been happy, at your age, to have 99."

"I got one WRONG.", he said, becoming most upset at this unaccountable fact.

We ended up having to comfort him. He really couldn't accept that any result less than 100% wasn't a total failure.

This little scene came as as surprise to me, because we, as parents, have never stressed the importance of grades. We have never urged our children to strive for perfection. In fact, as an idea, I don't think too much of it: I prefer to see creativity, than perfection. It is clear, however, that this ideal, that Fintan has imbibed, that exam results must be perfect and that nothing less than 100% will do had to come from somewhere. I can only assume that it the culture of the children and, perhaps, the school, with which he is surrounded. The pressure for 100% must come from there - because it is most certainly not from us.

"You could get 100% next time.", I said to Fintan, finally, offering him future hope for restitution.

"Yes, but I have to wait for JULY for the next exam!"

In a way, that was funny, but I didn't smile. Here was a young boy, pining for an exam, just so he could get 100% in it. In my own life, Fintan is the first student I have ever come across who actually wants an exam to happen sooner.

Fintan slumped off, quite beaten down, by his single lost mark. It was some hours before a semblance of his old exuberant self returned.

The world shouldn't be like this. Little children must not feel that 99% is a failure. I was brought up in a pressured academic environment - but it was never so pressured that anyone who got 99% would feel a "failure". However, my schooling was in the UK: Asia is different. Here, it seems, it is quite possible to feel a failure with a score of "only" 99%.

We shall continue to try to convey to our children the idea that doing well is admirable, but that absolute perfectionism is unnecessary and, perhaps, harmful. There is something very wrong in a child being unhappy with 99% in an exam. It remains to be seen, however, whether we will be able to overcome the prevailing educational culture in Fintan's school, in which such attitudes may seem rational.

Well done, Fintan, on your most recent maths exam: 99% is more than enough to make any parent happy and content at your academic progress.

As an afterthought: perhaps Fintan was so disheartened because in his last exam, he had scored 100%. To my mind, however, both results are essentially the same: a young boy, doing very well, in maths.

I hope Fintan learns to take delight in his successes, by first being able to see them as successes. The danger of perfectionism, is that nothing is ever good enough...and the child will never be happy no matter how well they do. I don't want to see that life for Fintan. I remember that he was very happy at his previous 100% - but it shouldn't take perfection, to make him happy at his work. Such a life, is a very punishing one for any child. So, I will keep a watch on his responses to his successes and try to teach him, just what a success really is: it isn't perfection, as a minimum - success comes a long way before that.

(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.html
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If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175

To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

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Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks. You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

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Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

Excuses for staying up late.

About a week ago, it was time to put my sons to bed - or at least, the younger two.

"Bed, boys!", I said.

Fintan, 7, stirred a little from his seat, but then thought better of it.

Tiarnan moved not at all.

"Bed, boys!", I said, again, a little more loudly and insistently.

Fintan rose slowly to his feet, as if only then discovering that he had the strength to do so.

Tiarnan moved not at all.

"BED, BOYS!", I said, louder still, with that insistence that would not be denied.

Fintan decided it was time to move - and walked slowly off in the direction of his bedroom.

Tiarnan moved not at all.

"Come on Tiarnan, it is time to go to bed."

He stood up, then, before me and looked up at me, an enigmatic thought in his eyes.

"I haven't done my homework.", he said, as if very aware of the seriousness of this omission. There was not a hint of a smile on his face, as he looked up at me, but I rather felt one was appropriate, given the mischief in his words. He looked expectant.

"Well, you don't need to do it, now...you haven't got an exam tomorrow."

This seemingly didn't meet with his expectation.

He looked at me more intently.

"I HAVEN'T DONE MY HOMEWORK!", said, my five year old son, more slowly and emphatically. He clearly thought I was missing the point.

On that particular evening, this one wasn't working on me, though I had to admire him for the cunning of his ruse.

"You don't need to do it tonight...go to bed."

I placed a hand upon his back to urge him in the right direction.

He walked reluctantly towards his bedroom, surprised, perhaps, at the failure of his design.

In his bedroom, he decided to be more direct in his expression, perhaps in case he had been misunderstood.

"I want to do my homework.", he said, carefully, looking at me throughout as if to gauge my understanding.

"Bed.", I said, unmoved.

"I WANT to do my HOMEWORK.", he stressed again.

"Bed, Tiarnan."

Finally, he gauged that it wasn't going to work and he hopped onto his bed.

I settled him down and turned out the lights, laying down beside him, until I was sure he was asleep.

I must say, it amuses me to think that Tiarnan so dislikes going to bed, at a reasonable hour, that he would even propose that he spent extra time awake doing homework! What a marvellous excuse.

Later, I reflected that perhaps I should have let him stay up doing homework. Then, he would have been happier - and would have done something productive to boot. However, I wasn't thinking that way, at the time - I was only thinking that it was too late for the boys to be up.

Next time, I will grant him his wish, if he ever asks for it again: homework it shall be!


(If you would like to support my continued writing of this blog and my ongoing campaign to raise awareness about giftedness and all issues pertaining to it, please donate, by clicking on the gold button to the left of the page.

To read about my fundraising campaign, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-in-support-of-my.html

and here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/01/fundraising-drive-first-donation.html

If you would like to read any of our scientific research papers, there are links to some of them, here: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2011/02/research-papers-by-valentine-cawley-and.html

If you would like to see an online summary of my academic achievements to date, please go here: http://www.getcited.org/mbrz/11136175

To learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 7 and Tiarnan, 5, please go to: http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

There is a review of my blog, on the respected The Kindle Report here:http://thekindlereport.blogspot.com/2010/09/boy-who-knew-too-much-child-prodigy.html

Please have a read, if you would like a critic's view of this blog. Thanks. You can get my blog on your Kindle, for easy reading, wherever you are, by going to: http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Knew-Too-Much/dp/B0042P5LEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1284603792&sr=8-1

Please let all your fellow Kindlers know about my blog availability - and if you know my blog well enough, please be so kind as to write a thoughtful review of what you like about it. Thanks.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at:http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/

Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/

Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is athttp://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)