An unexpected word.

Yesterday I did as I have done, many thousands of times in my life: I held a door open for someone. It was at a petrol station, where I had been buying a newspaper.

Now, I have done this many, many times, in Singapore. This time, however, I was in Malaysia. I was surprised to note that there was a distinct difference in the two experiences. Can you guess what it was? Please have a think about it, before reading on.

Well, have you come to a conclusion? What difference could there be in simply opening a door in Malaysia or Singapore? Well, I was surprised. You see, the Malaysian man - who was Malay, in appearance, and in his fifties, I would say, said: "Thanks".

That is all. He said, "Thanks." Oddly, I found myself startled to hear that word. Now, why, you may ask, would I be startled? Well, because in Singapore I never heard the word at all. I had become accustomed to holding doors open for people - be they men, women or children - who would never, ever say "thanks" for doing so. They would walk through in silence, as if I were some kind of lower life form or personal servant (the same thing, in Singapore). So, here, in Malaysia, when I heard that word, I found myself rather surprised. How sad it is, that I should be surprised to be thanked.

I must say, that I am not always thanked when I hold the door open in Malaysia - however, it does seem more common, here, to hear the expression of thanks, than it was in Singapore. The polished city state to my south, may believe itself to be a higher civilization than Malaysia, but, in terms of the manners of its citizens, it is most certainly not.

Perhaps, in Singapore, manners are not regarded as important. In that CITY state, CIVIL behaviour is not thought of as important. Yet, it makes a difference. I felt suitably appreciated for having had the forethought to hold the door open for that middle aged man, yesterday. In Singapore, however, I would usually be made to feel like an idiot for caring enough to do so. One word makes all the difference between appreciation and a snub - and, personally, I would rather be appreciated. So, Singapore could learn something from that middle aged Malay man: a single word, "thanks" and when to use it.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 6 and Tiarnan, 4, this month, please go to:
http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at: http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/
Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/
Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is at http://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

How to win the aging race.

About four months ago, I was having a discussion with Fintan, six, about life. I have always found his discussions interesting since there tends to emerge from them, an unexpected wisdom. I find his way of seeing appealing and his quickness to understand refreshing. However, these are things that people who don't know him, tend to overlook - because they don't pause to actually talk to him. Thus, to them, he appears to be just a friendly, gentle boy - but he is much more than that. I suppose, in life, people often fail to see others as they are - because they fail to take the time or effort to get to know them.

I was sitting in the living room with the entire family when Fintan called across the coffee table to me:

“How old is Ramin?”

Ramin is the son of some friends of ours.

“Five”, I said, fairly, but not entirely sure of the answer.

“I’m six.”, he declared, with the merest hint of triumph.

“Yes and I am 41: I win!”, I announced, with a flourish I didn't feel.

“Actually, the sad thing about life and getting older is that the winner is really losing, because he has less time left. So I am winning but losing.”, I observed to Fintan, matter of factly.

There was not, then, the slightest pause before he answered: he threw back his answer as if he were playing tennis and reflecting the ball, even as it crossed the net to him.

“And I am losing, but winning.”

He looked at Ancient me, with his young eyes and there was something of mystery in them. There was no triumph in his declaration, no sense that he actually wanted to win this race. He understood, I felt, about life and mortality and that the fact that his father was "winning", but "losing" was nothing to be happy about. Fintan is like an ocean that not so much stretches off into the distance - as all oceans do - but which is deeper than one could ever know: it is filled with hidden, ever unknowable depths that may never be seen, or felt, but from which, the occasional hint of their existence emerges. So it is, in speaking to Fintan. Occasionally, he throws out a remark that makes you realize, in an instant, that he understands something you might not have expected him to, or that he has noticed something perhaps you didn't even notice yourself.

In an adult, one might call such a quality wisdom - but I am not sure if that is what it should be called in a child. It seems strange to think of a child as wise - since wisdom depends so much on time for reflection, growth and maturity. Perhaps, then, it should be called "insight". Fintan has flashes of unexpected insight and comes out with remarks, at surprising moments, that strike one as philosophical. I think he has a good feeling for life and what it means, yet I don't know where this intuition comes from, or where it might lead.

The funny thing about Fintan is that he is so disarming. His manner is so innocent, so gentle, so guileless that one simply does not expect him to come out with the things he does, when he does. Someone who did not know him well, could easily fail to know him at all. In a way, he is the most inaccessible of my sons, the one least accurately read, at first. It is very clear, for instance, that Ainan is effulgurantly bright; that Tiarnan is whimsical and surprising - but Fintan is not clearly seen: he is like a Teddy Bear that just happens to speak like Socrates, when you actually take the time to listen. Most people just see the teddy bear, however. These are, however, people who don't take the time to get know people. So, in just seeing Fintan's teddy bearishness, they are revealing that they are, themselves, a little shallow in their understanding of the world: they miss what is right in front of them.

Fatherhood is an adventure without limit. I cannot know where it is all going, what it all means, or what shall happen. All I can I do, is to do my best, along the way, to help my children on their individual journeys - whatever those journeys happen to be, or wherever they choose to go. Some people worry about failing as a father - but I don't think you can say that a father has failed, as long as he actually tries to be there, tries to help his children grow in whichever direction they choose. The only fathers who fail, are the ones who never try at all. Well, that is not me. I am trying, everyday, to understand, and to be guided by my growing understanding in how I might help my sons become whatever they choose to be. That choice, of course, is key. Some parents do all the choosing for their children. I think, however, that such children are likely to be chosen into unhappiness.

I don't know the future. I know this, however: my sons will be what they want to be, within the limits of what can be realized with whatever luck we have and whatever resources we can muster. I hope that will be enough.

In the meantime, Fintan will, no doubt, reveal glimmers of his unexpected wisdom and leave traces of conversations to be remembered for years to come.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 6 and Tiarnan, 4, this month, please go to:
http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at: http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/
Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/
Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is at http://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)

Taxi reform required.

Malaysian taxi drivers are a national disgrace. They, singlehandedly, ensure that every visitor to Malaysia will be stolen from, cheated and predated upon. Since travellers have regular contact with taxi drivers, it is inevitable that they will go home, from Malaysia, with the impression that it is a nation of liars, cheats and thieves. Yet, this is not so, of course: it is the taxi drivers whose behaviour is unusually poor by the nation's standards - at least I am assuming so, based on my experience, so far.

It is negligent in the extreme and very short-sighted, not to do something serious about the level of dishonesty among taxi drivers, in Malaysia. You see, a nation's reputation is a great part of its natural capital. Without a good reputation for honesty, decency and fair dealing, Malaysia will compromise itself internationally. Now, of course, visitors to Malaysia may encounter fair dealing in many aspects of their visit - but if they frequently encounter dishonesty from taxi drivers, that can only leave a poor impression of the nation, in their minds. If Malaysia's leaders want Malaysia to "stand tall" in the world, they must, they absolutely MUST, stamp down on the dishonesty of Malaysian taxi drivers.

My experience the other day is typical of the situation in Malaysia. The situation here is a no-hoper for the customer. Whatever you do with the drivers, the customer loses out. I was in Bukit Bintang (KL's equivalent to Orchard Road). There were taxis parked everywhere. I approached about 20 of them and asked them if they would go "on the meter" - because I know that so many do not want to. To my displeasure, each and every one of the over twenty drivers I asked, REFUSED TO BE METERED FOR THE JOURNEY. They all quoted me fixed fares which were two to three times the price I knew was reasonable for the route. After ten minutes of asking drivers, I gave up on ALL the taxis parked in Bukit Bintang. Instead, I tried to flag one. After another ten minutes, I succeeded in flagging a cab. This one agreed to go on the meter, for which I was thankful. Little did I know that he would go off route, however.

Our driver took me on a giant detour through KL and its surroundings, though that wasn't clear at first. There were traffic jams, so I held my tongue, at first. However, after half an hour, on a journey that should have taken no more than fifteen minutes, I asked why I had seen no signs for our destination. "Yes, signs, have. Over there." he said, pointing into the distance.

I sat quietly waiting for these signs. After about another fifteen minutes, signs duly began appearing for our destination. However, he was travelling a route there, that I had never seen before.

In the end, the fifteen minute journey took one hour to complete and cost two or three times, the usual expected fare. My wife later made the same journey, at a third the time, and less than half the price.

So, here is another lesson about Malaysian taxi drivers. Whatever they do, they will almost always cheat you - especially if you are a foreigner. Either they offer you a fixed price well above market rate - or if you refuse that and find another driver willing to go on meter, they will take you on a giant detour and keep you in the cab several times longer than your journey actually requires. So, it is a case of heads you lose, tails you lose. Whatever happens, you will be cheated.

I should point out that I have met honest drivers. However, they are vastly outnumbered by the cheaters, liars and thieves who end up as cab drivers. I would estimate that, overall, about 70% of Malaysian taxi drivers are dishonest. In some areas, this reaches almost 100%, however. This is from the point of view of a foreigner. It is possible that they try to cheat foreigners more frequently, so this may not reflect a Malaysian's experience of taxi drivers - but it has certainly been my experience.

The situation, whilst problematic, is easily resolved, given political will. All that has to be done is for a penalty to be brought in against dishonest driving. If a taxi driver ever cheats a customer, in any way and that customer complains, then the driver should AUTOMATICALLY LOSE THEIR DRIVER'S LICENSE. They should also be BANNED FROM BEING A TAXI DRIVER, FOR LIFE. Should these two penalties be put in place, drivers would soon start behaving themselves. The ban on being a taxi driver would mean they would lose their livelihoods. The ban on driving is particularly ironic, since it would force them to take taxis and suffer at the hands of their fellow cheaters. That would soon teach them what it is like.

Teams of anonymous taxi inspectors should take cabs at random, looking for cheaters. These should be both Asian and European inspectors, to elicit different responses from the drivers, who may be preferentially cheating one type of customer. A single offense should automatically result in the two penalties being applied. There should be no leeway for the judge to decide on clemency, the penalties should be mandatory.

Were this done, Malaysian drivers would soon start behaving honestly. If this is not done, Malaysia will continue to mar its own reputation by allowing drivers to lie to, cheat and steal from every foreign customer they encounter.

I hope someone will listen and do something about it. The present taxi situation is a national disgrace.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, 10, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, 6 and Tiarnan, 4, this month, please go to:
http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, child prodigy, child genius, adult genius, savant, megasavant, HELP University College, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, Malaysia, IQ, intelligence and creativity.

My Internet Movie Database listing is at: http://imdb.com/name/nm3438598/
Ainan's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3305973/
Syahidah's IMDB listing is at http://imdb.com/name/nm3463926/

Our editing, proofreading and copywriting company, Genghis Can, is at http://www.genghiscan.com/

This blog is copyright Valentine Cawley. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Use only with permission. Thank you.)